Letting Go of the Ego

Someday everything will make sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that ... everything happens for a reason.
(Quote on Spiritual Networks)

I sometimes imagine a spiritual journey as a connection of two plateaus connected by a water fall. In the transition phase you are very much out of equilibrium, while on the plateau, the system is at rest. How long this journey will take is very much up to you and will crucially depend on how you interact with your ego.

At work I observed that all my ambitions have somehow vanished. Stuff that drove me in the past like being the best at what I do, or being admired by people I care for, somehow dropped by the wayside. I still do my work but it is with a new mind-set. I keep on going because I care for the people I hang out with and I still have an artistic interest in what I do. On thing is quite clear to me though, my ego is as strong as it has ever been; I have just redistributed meaning in that particular work dimension.

The spiritual journey is about letting go some of your belief system about yourself. The journey is also about realizing - and experiencing - that you are not an ego. The ego always comes in different forms and dimensions and you can never completely shake it off no matter how enlightened you are. Something has to keep you here, otherwise you would just slip away.

Sadhguru told the story of Sri Ramakrishna, the 19th century mystic of India. Sadhguru said that everyone needs something to hang onto and in Sri Ramakrishna's case it was his love for tasty food. When one day he told his wife that he had lost his appetite she knew that he had only 3 more days to live.

When you are on a plateau, the "I" that you experience is bound in one entity. When you are in a transition phase, one or more of the belief system about yourself is disintegrating. You are - over a transition period that can be quite confusing and uncomfortable - letting go of an ego dimension, just as a snake lets go of its skin. But even in this case, it is not that the snake is skinless afterwards - a new skin had come to the fore.

A spiritual journey is a soul searching exercise. Sure, long periods of peace, love and happiness await for you. But until you there, accept when life shakes you a little to prepare you for it.

The Four Paths Home

There is no path that does not lead to Him.
A Course in Miracles

They say many paths lead to the Lord. Pick the one that is closest to you and follow it. There is the path of wisdom, of action, of devotion and of meditation/channeling our energy. Typically whenever you find a seeker who follows passionately one path, there is very little patience for the other approaches. Yet, the longer you walk on your path the more you realize how connected all the four paths really are. True wisdom comes from falling in love with life, from working hard towards your goal, from falling in love with the many messengers God sends your way. As you mature spiritually the different chakras open up inside and your energy field changes. You also experience the advantages of meditation: the ability to experience who you are when the voice in your head quiets down.

You have your unique way Home, but be on the look-out for the co-travelers who can propel you enormously by walking a few spiritual miles with you. Sadhguru told this story to illustrate this point in his "Mystic's Musings":

 One day, one Jnana (Knowledge) Yogi, one Bhakthi (Devotion) Yogi, one Karma (Action) Yogi and one Kriya (Energy) Yogi were walking together. Usually these four people can never be together, because a thinking person has complete disdain for everybody else. A bhakthi yogi, full of emotion and love, thinks that jnana, karma and kriya yoga is just a waste of time. Just love God and it will happen. The karma yogi thinks that everybody else is just lazy. One must work and work and work. The kriya yogi just laughs at everything. The whole existence is energy. If you don't channel your energies nothing is going to happen. Then it started to rain and they all ran looking for shelter, they found an ancient temple. As the storm grew more and more furious they all moved closer to each other inside the temple. Suddenly they felt a huge presence. Lord Shiva Himself was there. They all cried out together, why now, we have pursued you for years and nothing happened. Lord Shiva replied, at last the four of you got together. I have been waiting for this for a long time.

By meditation, some women can see the Self in the self; others, by the yoga of knowledge; others by selfless action.
(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita on meditation, wisdom and the path of devotion)


Seeing the great Lord everywhere, she knows beyond doubt that she cannot harm the Self by the self, and reaches the highest goal.
(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita on the path of the Tao)

Shake it Out

 Sadhguru once met with a convicted murderer. As he embraced him you could see the relief on the face of the crying man. It was as if he could let go of all his accumulated psychological baggage at this moment. Guilt is a horrible affliction, yet we can tell you that it is a senseless burden. Whatever you may have done in the past, it simply doesn't matter in the divine Now. So when ghosts of the past trouble you, pull yourself into the Now instead and they disappear like fog does during the sunrise.

But just saying that the past doesn't really exist is not good enough, you must also believe it. If you want to get rid of your guilt, you will also have to drag your subconscious brain along. There is something deep inside of you that needs some extra convincing that the bloody deed has indeed been paid for. The Tao will do this for you. Just show up when life calls you and always put your best foot forward. Find out for yourself that this way time will literally heal you. All you have to do is to shake your history out just as Florence and the Machine recommend it in their beautiful song " Shake it Out". It is always darkest before the dawn so just keep moving:

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cry it out and then restart (my edit)
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh whoa, oh whoa...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

(Florence and the Machine, Shake it Out)

Who is Talking, the Tao or Fear?

He was an aspiring spiritual path traveler, but somehow minded his receding hairline. When a colleague had a convincing hear transplant operation done, he decided he would give it a shot as well. When he told his mother about it, he was surprised about her opposition, 'Son, you have to accept your genes', she barked into the phone. He went for the first operation nevertheless, and dutifully took the medicine that some claimed could on occasions have serious side effects. Everything would have been perfect - his wife loved the results - had it not been for the fact that he banged his toe into a door in the morning of the operation. That seemed odd given that he happened to be a very well-coordinated athlete. More than that, his foot injury disappeared as magically as it came on the day when his scalped healed from the operation. 'This must be a message from the Tao that 'you are not your body', the spiritual aspirant concluded and promptly canceled his follow-up operation and quit taking his medicine as well.

What do you think? Do you think this was a message from the beyond to our spiritual aspirant, or was this a self-imposed injury that just reflected the insecurities of deviating from the path of righteousness, as expressed by the mother's protest or the spiritual super-ego, 'Your are not your body?' Of course I don't know either, each spiritual path traveler has to figure out these issues by herself, but I would say that in my experience it pays to take a few risks. The Tao is never vicious, but your fears are. The longer you travel a path, the better in tune you are with these decisions. You have got to wiggle yourself through life. Actually it was Sadhguru who said, 'whatever you do, go all the way'. There is no harm accumulating a little bad karma in the process. You need a little pain sometimes to remind yourself that we are here to wake up.If you faced eternal sunshine, you would only get complacent, right?

Everyone Wants Something

Sadhguru described the story of Sri Ramakrishna, the holy mystic from Dakshinewar and his love for food. Everyone here on earth has some desires that holds you back, otherwise you would be drifting into a different world. Allegedly, three days before his death, Sri Ramakrishna told his wife that he didn't want to eat her food and she knew that his end had come.

The I can be consistent with the Tao. In fact, the I defines the Tao, since this force will construct a way to satisfy your desire in a way consistent with your spiritual path. Define your wants (and admit your wants to yourself) and find a way to express your creativity. The I is the eye that looks into the direction you are headed. The Tao will define a possible spiritual path around it.

The Fantastic Four

They say one can reach God on four paths: Knowledge (jnana), action (karma), devotion (bhakthi) and meditation/channeling our life energies (kriya). Quite frankly, up to recently, this meant very little to me. I started out thinking that knowledge might be my path, but you cannot help concluding that God is beyond thoughts, so the intellect seemed of little use. Action is often led astray by the ego. Bhakthi is easier said that than done. God has to be held above everything in this world. OK, but what if you do not feel that way. Lastly, meditation just never worked for me. Most spiritual fellow travelers just asked me in amazement, what do you mean it does not work? I just did not work because my thoughts were always in the way. A lost cause one might conclude.


Recently it struck me that the Fantastic Four are actually surprisingly intertwined. As you progress along one, all other avenues suddenly appear as well. Karma and knowledge are two faces of the same coin. If you manage to overcome your ego in your work, suddenly amazing insights about yourself, others and the spiritual path become available to you. It is possible to work selflessly, it requires attention and concentration, but it can be done. By the way, an easy trick is creativity. When you are creative you focus on your project, your baby, the ego is naturally pushed into the background. As your awareness about yourself and others rises you will feel things on a much deeper level - your emotional dimension opens up - the requirement for Bhakthi. Meditation becomes easier as well. By living a more selfless life and gaining spiritual insights along the way your mind becomes less cluttered. Lastly, at least in my case, this period coincided with a resurgence of life energies. It was as if suddenly new pipes opened up in my body.


Will this path lead me to liberation? I do not know, but I was encouraged when I read this story in Sadhguru's Mystic Musings: One day, one Jnana Yogi, one Bhakthi Yogi, one Karma Yogi and one Kriya Yogi were walking together. Usually these four people can never be together, because a thinking person has complete disdain for everybody else. A bhakthi yogi, full of emotion and love, thinks that jnana, karma and kriya yoga is just a waste of time. Just love God and it will happen. The karma yogi thinks that everybody else is just lazy. One must work and work and work. The kriya yogi just laughs at everything. The whole existence is energy. If you don't channel your energies nothing is going to happen. Then it started to rain and they all ran looking for shelter, they found an ancient temple. As the storm grew more and more furious they all moved closer to each other inside the temple. Suddenly they felt a huge presence. Lord Shiva Himself was there. They all cried out together, why now, we have pursued you for years and nothing happened. Lord Shiva replied, at last the four of you got together. I have been waiting for this for a long time.

Vasana

vasana: tendency or desire

Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, you will probably agree that people tend to be endowed with very different character traits, likes and dislikes. If you have children you will observe that from early days they come attached with completely different personality traits. I admit, it's kind of obvious, but for me this idea that we all have to live with our individual vasana has hit me only recently. We have to develop these vasanas and live them out in most cases, and have to suppress them in some cases, just as we choose.

I started thinking about this theme when I read Neale Walsch's Conversations with God. In it, God explained the process of spiritual self-discovery with the colors of the rainbow. As the intersection of the basic colors give you the color white, you have to literally live through and express all rainbow colors, i.e. everything God is not, in order to discover Him. Just imagine what this implies, you pretty much have to throw all moral standards out of the window. You just don't know what is wrong or right; what you have to ask is whether a particular action is useful for your development or not. Obviously, only your own soul can provide you with this answer.

Consider 3 historic figures, Alexander the Great, Napoleon and Hitler. Only Alexander succeeded with his mission in life to conquer the world. At the end of his short life he had accomplished and seen everything. The world as was known then was pretty much his. I am sure that at the end of his life he was just fed up with the whole conquering business. Napoleon on the other hand tortured himself for the rest of his life in exile. Allegedly his last two words when he died were France ... Grand Army. How sad! Quite frankly, I don't even want to know what went on in Hitler's brain in the hours before he shot himself in the dark bunker. Alexander was done with his rainbow color, Napoleon & Hitler weren't.

Take another example, sex. I re-read Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer for this blog and was surprised to see how boring these sexual episodes were. Already at the age of 40, he apparently was bored to tears with sex. I am pretty sure when he died at the age of 90, he had other things on his mind than sex. This rainbow color was done as well.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you what this all means for you personally. If you conquer the world, sexually exploit others, or aggressively climb the ranks of a corporation you may satisfy your vasana, but you also create bad karma which you have to deal with eventually. Still, if your longing is planted deep in your soul you might not have another choice. Just get it done with once and for all. Go all the way in whatever you do Sadhguru says (Mystic's Musings). Don't judge others and search your soul for your mission in life.