How Old is Your Soul?

Heart beats fast, colors and promises. How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone,

all of my doubts suddenly go away, somehow.

I have died every day waiting for you. 

Darling, don't be afraid, 

I have loved you for a thousand years;

I will love you for a thousand more.

(Christina Perri, A Thousand Years)

It strikes me as odd that a concept that is key for our spiritual advancement - our soul - is so poorly defined. The Hindus - as always - have the purest and highest notion of the Soul: it is our God connection. The spark that God implanted when we decided to eat from the Tree of Knowledge and fell in a self-imposed slumber. This is how the Gita describes the divinity in us:

The sharpest sword will not pierce it,

the hottest flame will not singe it.

It is perfect, all-pervading,

calm, immovable, timeless.

But the Hindus have other expressions that are missing in our vocabulary: the concepts of vasana and dharma - a tendency, an idiosyncratic desire, a mission statement; something meaningful that we have to fulfill and burn off. I would argue that we - more in the spirit of the ancient Greeks than in the Judaic-Christian tradition - could use the expression soul in contrast to the True Self that already encompasses this notion of God-connection. 

So what exactly does it mean to have a soul-longing? Well. It is something we have been after over many lifetimes; a homework we may not have quite completed, a lesson not yet learned; some residual homework that our parents left behind; a karma that somehow sticks to the soil of the country we are born in or where we now live. In short, we have a human mission with a divine purpose that is ours to discover.

The beauty of this insight is that once we have reached this stage of illumination, we are already Home. When we remember the longings of our soul we will always find a way to express it in a spiritually kosher way. Our feet are on the ground while our eyes gaze at the stars. We put our heart and soul into whatever is meaningful to us just like we did before, yet, for the first time we 

remember God's Golden Rule: choose love every step of the Way. Our spiritual journey is already complete even though our body and mind are still at it.

Soul of a thousand years, we bow to Thee. The journey is finally over!

On Becoming Whole

There is a battle going on inside of us, the fight between who we want to be and who we are. Negating the human aspect in us is like trying to push a basketball below the surface, it will always come back with a splash. But then, what does it mean to embrace the ego or the animal inside yourself, does it mean you have to live out all your urges and passions? Based on my experience, you will always be able to re-channel your existing drive onto a higher spiritual plane, thus burning off your vasanas without compromising your soul. As a matter of fact, you can argue that this struggle between humanity and Godhood is what defines you and only you have the opportunity to express this tension in a beautiful and unique way. A few examples in this direction: becoming a CEO of a non-profit organization for the power hungry, becoming a spiritual writer for the professors inside of us, or practising tantric sex for those with abundant sexual drive, etc.

The problem that many spiritual path travelers have is that they keep on reading about the alleged enlightened stage of others, forgetting that they are still on a different spiritual plane. In my experience, you build up a massive 'Jungian shadow' or a 'Freudian super-ego' in the process. The way out, embrace all the aspects of your personality, while still making the right choices consistent with your personal Tao. This way, you will get the entire persona up to the next spiritual level.

But there is also a time when some of your vasanas will drop off naturally. "Been there, done that" is a holy mantra in my opinion. Don't torture yourself about the question whether this time has come for you or not. Your Tao will let you know when it is time to move on to the next level - that's what the spiritual journey is all about. Enjoy your road towards wholeness. As Jung once said, I'd rather be whole before being holy.

Three Do Nots

An Aghori (a spiritual path that embraces not-so-holy activities) master gave the following advice: Don't be embarrassed about your vasanas (desires), do not fear and do not doubt!

When it comes to your passions, you have a decision to make. You can embrace them and burn them off, or you can choose to ignore your urges in the name of spirituality or self-development. Pursuing your vasanas often has karma attached since where your desires are, the ego is lurking around the corner. But ignoring them also has a hefty spiritual price tag attached as many monks and some married folks will be able to attest. The choice is up to you. Just ask yourself what side effects your passions are likely to have. If you think you can handle the 'bad karma' just go for it and burn your vasanas off once and for all.

If you go for it, don't be embarrassed about your urges. They tell you where you come from and what unfinished business is still left in your spiritual evolution. Don't fear, there is no good and evil as God states in Neal Walsh's Conversations with God. There is only useful and not useful for your spiritual evolution. Do not doubt: if you have already travelled so far you might as well get it done with. There is no turning back now; the sooner you say 'Been there, done that', the better. Just do it!

Vasana

vasana: tendency or desire

Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, you will probably agree that people tend to be endowed with very different character traits, likes and dislikes. If you have children you will observe that from early days they come attached with completely different personality traits. I admit, it's kind of obvious, but for me this idea that we all have to live with our individual vasana has hit me only recently. We have to develop these vasanas and live them out in most cases, and have to suppress them in some cases, just as we choose.

I started thinking about this theme when I read Neale Walsch's Conversations with God. In it, God explained the process of spiritual self-discovery with the colors of the rainbow. As the intersection of the basic colors give you the color white, you have to literally live through and express all rainbow colors, i.e. everything God is not, in order to discover Him. Just imagine what this implies, you pretty much have to throw all moral standards out of the window. You just don't know what is wrong or right; what you have to ask is whether a particular action is useful for your development or not. Obviously, only your own soul can provide you with this answer.

Consider 3 historic figures, Alexander the Great, Napoleon and Hitler. Only Alexander succeeded with his mission in life to conquer the world. At the end of his short life he had accomplished and seen everything. The world as was known then was pretty much his. I am sure that at the end of his life he was just fed up with the whole conquering business. Napoleon on the other hand tortured himself for the rest of his life in exile. Allegedly his last two words when he died were France ... Grand Army. How sad! Quite frankly, I don't even want to know what went on in Hitler's brain in the hours before he shot himself in the dark bunker. Alexander was done with his rainbow color, Napoleon & Hitler weren't.

Take another example, sex. I re-read Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer for this blog and was surprised to see how boring these sexual episodes were. Already at the age of 40, he apparently was bored to tears with sex. I am pretty sure when he died at the age of 90, he had other things on his mind than sex. This rainbow color was done as well.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you what this all means for you personally. If you conquer the world, sexually exploit others, or aggressively climb the ranks of a corporation you may satisfy your vasana, but you also create bad karma which you have to deal with eventually. Still, if your longing is planted deep in your soul you might not have another choice. Just get it done with once and for all. Go all the way in whatever you do Sadhguru says (Mystic's Musings). Don't judge others and search your soul for your mission in life.