Puppets of the Tao

We all tend to blame ourselves for our shortcomings. We hate that we are not able to accomplish whatever we set our minds to. In my own experience, you should never worry about what you might have overlooked in the past and never blame yourself. If something doesn't work out despite your best efforts, the Tao has probably better plans for you and She always knows best.

There was a time when I wanted to be a 'better mother'. I certainly knew what I should have done instead, but I was unable to fulfill my high expectations. Yet after this rocky period, I realized that I didn't really have a choice at all at that time. A strange force was in control of me and I didn't have the ability to break away from it.

Last night I was reminiscing and first I started again blaming myself for not having been a better mother, but then out of a sudden I started forgiving myself as I realized that I did the best I could at that time. I also remembered the mistakes my parents made and I realized that they probably also tried doing their best. That is what every generation does. We repeat the cycle our parents started and we try to improve on it. But then we leave some homework for our children as well.

We are also biased in our thinking. We zoom into the mistakes that we make but forget about all the good stuff we do. Blame and guilt are very negative emotions - they drain your energy. Forgive yourself and others as best as you can and then try to move on.

You can only truly forgive others if you are able to forgive yourself. If you have a balanced view of yourself, you will also be able to apply the same to others. Try to appreciate your short-comings and enjoy how they enable you to be much kinder with others. Everything is perfect as is. Every yin comes with a yang attached. For every Dalai Lama there is a Mao Zedong; for every John F. Kennedy there is a Adolf Hitler. The Tao creates hurricanes as well as sunshine. Accept and value the forces that are beyond your comprehension and put your best foot forward in all the things that you can affect.

On occasions we are just pawns of the Tao. Too often, we think we have the ability to decide what we can do. Often this apparent degree of freedom doesn't really exist. The Tao is the puppet master behind the scenes and we have to do whatever it is what we do, because our karma and the evolution of the world dictates it. Forgive yourself for the mistakes of the past, reflect and try to do your best next time around. One day you will break free from the chains and if not you, your children will because you have laid the foundation for them.

By Su-Zhen

Stairways to Heaven and Hell

I caught up with an old friend yesterday who also works on self-empowerment themes and she introduced me to a fascinating psychological framework. When I listened to her, it sounded a bit like a stairways to either heaven and hell. Imagine a triangle which has fear on the top, blame and escape on the right and pain on the left. The way one would descend into deeper and deeper problems and struggle if one is afraid of life, that one projects all problems onto others (blame) or tries with the help of medication, alcohol or other addictive measures to avoid life. In life's negative feed-back loops one would experience increased pain and the fear of life would go up even more and down one goes until one day one needs help from others to be lifted out of the hole again.

The polar opposite is a triangle that has love as its top, has learning on the right of the triangle and thrill on the left. You start out with the assumption that you are loved by life, you experience life as a thrilling experience but every little mishap along the way you use as a learning experience to adjust and will thus be able to cooperate with life with an ever increased level of intensity. Life and you become friends, you realize that everything that comes your way is in fact nothing to be afraid of, but instead another opportunity to choose love and to say yes to life.

I liked that way of thinking very much because it describes the Tao. Along the Tao, life hollers at you day in, day out, 'hey, don't be afraid, the monsters that you see are not real. We are your friends and we are here to help you and love you.' You can experience the Tao for yourself and it doesn't really matter whether you face fear in many areas of your life or not. When you move upwards on this stairways you will experience a tremendous gain in energy and happiness for the removal of fear is the gain of love. As the Course in Miracle states, there are only two emotions, love or fear. And yes, love is always yours to choose.