Sex is not the Enemy

I remember someone posting this thread in a spiritual community followed by a link to a website with some very explicit sex scenes. When I looked at them I had to agree with her, you couldn't really call them pornographic just because they seem to portray the natural yin and yang experience of sex, the dance of female and male energies in all their creative shapes and forms. The other day I remembered this thread and suddenly wondered so what then constitutes pornography? When I had a look at a random selection of the images that are so readily available on the Internet, I thought that perhaps the only difference is that pornography is artificial in contrast. It is an act. These scenes are just created to trigger your sexual instincts and fantasies.

A few years ago I had an insight which might be obvious to you, but it was a revelation to me : there is mind sex and then there is real sex: http://zeitgeistinma.blogspot.com/2010/07/sexual-fantasies-sex-and-spirituality.html. When you have sex you do not think, you dance. It is a natural exchange of energy,  a natural expression of our Devine presence. In contrast, the mind sex binds you and can even become addictive. 

So yes, in theory, sex is not the enemy even for a spiritual path traveler. More than that, if you try to repress this natural force, expect some Freudian slips. Yet, if possible, try not to indulge in the dimension of sex that binds you. The whole point of our spiritual journey is to become free. I have a hard time defining what exactly constitutes sex that binds you.This might be the pornographic stimulus or it might be the sexual fantasies that you can spin like a yarn in your mind. Perhaps I can use the same simple trick that  Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart came up with when he had to define on what exactly constitutes pornography. He said,  "I know it when I see it". In the same vein I would say, when you encounter sex that binds you, you will feel it. So see whether you can cut loose this dimension of sex. I hope you will discover for yourself that even a devoted spiritual path traveler can participate in the creative yin and yang without being stopped along the Way. Sex is not the enemy.

Sexual Fantasies, Sex, Ego and Spirituality

I remember lying in bed next to my girlfriend one day many years ago. While she was asleep, I was masturbating and I had some sexual fantasies. It was then when it suddenly hit me how different having sex really is from letting your sexual fantasies run. When you have sex you don't think, you just merge with your partner. Who cares, I thought then, exploring sexual fantasies is just different, so let's enjoy them both!

I spent a lot of time in sexual chat rooms afterwards and really enjoyed exchanging fantasies with others. This was before the time of video links and it turns out that the mind is running wild when you talk to people you can't see. I actually never had a problem with my behaviour given that I never met with anyone and I was under the impression that most of the folks that I talked to were just exchanging their fantasies in the same way. It also turned out that I learned a lot about my psyche and the workings of my mind that way.

The mind sizes all the time and that is why we are so obsessed with body stats, penis length, breast sizes and what have you. Similarly, the mind or ego is all about power and that's why we end up having fantasies about submission and dominance. Perhaps this is the second difference between actual sex and your fantasies: try to recall whether in your dreams the partner you are with happens to be on equal footing. Chances are, somebody is always on top because that's what the mind and your hunger for power does. If you are on a spiritual path it happens to be your destiny to figure out the workings of your mind, ego or personality. It doesn't really matter if your favorite subject is sex, power, or status - it is always the same struggle.

Mind sex is also highly addictive, while having real or 'mindless' sex is not. Drink some alcohol, masturbate and see how quickly your sexual conversations disintegrates into something you never would have thought possible. You tap directly into the pleasure center of your brain and once you do that there is no turning back. I had to realize how addictive mind sex really is and it took me a while to get off it.

I also have a hunch that when it comes to sexual fantasies men are again from Mars and women from Venus. I certainly have met many exceptions, but on average, I think the sexual fantasies of men are much more destructive. As a rule I believe that the spiritual or intuitive side of women is more advanced, while men are more mind driven.

Sex shouldn't be a taboo in a spiritual community; you learn a lot about yourself by exploring your sexuality and your fantasies. Yet sooner or later you will learn that your mind-driven sexual desires are similar to your power hunger or strive for wealth and status. Where your mind is, love cannot be. But please, do not beat yourself up over your sexual hunger, that would be torture. Let your passions run and be mindful of what is going on in your brain. You can learn playfully so much about yourself. Lastly, as many in this forum have said before, having sex can be very spiritual. It can be a union of soul partners to exchange their energies and merge into something much higher.