Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sexual Fantasies, Sex, Ego and Spirituality

I remember lying in bed next to my girlfriend one day many years ago. While she was asleep, I was masturbating and I had some sexual fantasies. It was then when it suddenly hit me how different having sex really is from letting your sexual fantasies run. When you have sex you don't think, you just merge with your partner. Who cares, I thought then, exploring sexual fantasies is just different, so let's enjoy them both!

I spent a lot of time in sexual chat rooms afterwards and really enjoyed exchanging fantasies with others. This was before the time of video links and it turns out that the mind is running wild when you talk to people you can't see. I actually never had a problem with my behaviour given that I never met with anyone and I was under the impression that most of the folks that I talked to were just exchanging their fantasies in the same way. It also turned out that I learned a lot about my psyche and the workings of my mind that way.

The mind sizes all the time and that is why we are so obsessed with body stats, penis length, breast sizes and what have you. Similarly, the mind or ego is all about power and that's why we end up having fantasies about submission and dominance. Perhaps this is the second difference between actual sex and your fantasies: try to recall whether in your dreams the partner you are with happens to be on equal footing. Chances are, somebody is always on top because that's what the mind and your hunger for power does. If you are on a spiritual path it happens to be your destiny to figure out the workings of your mind, ego or personality. It doesn't really matter if your favorite subject is sex, power, or status - it is always the same struggle.

Mind sex is also highly addictive, while having real or 'mindless' sex is not. Drink some alcohol, masturbate and see how quickly your sexual conversations disintegrates into something you never would have thought possible. You tap directly into the pleasure center of your brain and once you do that there is no turning back. I had to realize how addictive mind sex really is and it took me a while to get off it.

I also have a hunch that when it comes to sexual fantasies men are again from Mars and women from Venus. I certainly have met many exceptions, but on average, I think the sexual fantasies of men are much more destructive. As a rule I believe that the spiritual or intuitive side of women is more advanced, while men are more mind driven.

Sex shouldn't be a taboo in a spiritual community; you learn a lot about yourself by exploring your sexuality and your fantasies. Yet sooner or later you will learn that your mind-driven sexual desires are similar to your power hunger or strive for wealth and status. Where your mind is, love cannot be. But please, do not beat yourself up over your sexual hunger, that would be torture. Let your passions run and be mindful of what is going on in your brain. You can learn playfully so much about yourself. Lastly, as many in this forum have said before, having sex can be very spiritual. It can be a union of soul partners to exchange their energies and merge into something much higher.

4 comments:

Meghashyam Chirravoori said...

How barely and simply you have expressed the deepest instincts at work as we fantasize. Wow...

Thank you for making me aware of what really happens deep down..

And yes, I LOVED the line "Where your mind is, love cannot be."

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bec Star said...

Thank you for this article. I found it very insightful.

May I ask you something however.. I am female and I have always fantasised about a partner falling in love with me and finding that perfect romantic soul mate (which instinctively is also coupled with erotic thoughts). In the past when I fantasised about this, I was always seeking someone more suitable to me in my own mind and never appreciating the person I was with at the time. In turn this led to manifested cheating until I finally realised the consequences of my actions after meeting the manifestation of my fantasises in real life only to lose it again and inevitably realise my karma.

My question is: Is fantasising about Love considered cheating? Is fantasising about intimacy (in-to-me-you-see) considered cheating? This is what I fantasise about but where do you draw the line as to what is appropriate and what is not.

Zeitgeist said...

Thanks for reaching out Bec Star. Everyone has fantasies and they can serve to spice up the bed room a little. From what you say though, there seems to be a little of "the grass is always greener on the other side" going on in you. Perhaps you can involve your partner more. Perhaps you can ask him for his fantasies and together you create the bliss in the bedroom that you like to have. But then, if you continue thinking about someone else, perhaps there is a message in that too :) I wouldn't worry so much about karma but more about finding your right soul mate <3