Biased by Love

The common-sense views of a normal, i.e., socially adapted, citizen were supposed to be rational and not in need of depth analysis. But this is not true at all. Our conscious motivations, ideas, and beliefs are a blend of false information, biases, irrational passions, rationalizations, prejudices, in which morsels of truth swim around and give the reassurance, albeit false, that the whole mixture is real and true. The thinking process attempts to organize this whole cesspool of illusions according to the laws of logic and plausibility. This level of consciousness is supposed to reflect reality; it is the map we use for organizing our life. This false map is not repressed. What is repressed is the knowledge of reality, the knowledge of what is true.

(Erich Fromm, To Have or to Be)

Can we be without a bias and free of ego? Can we really view reality as is just as psychologists and philosophers once aspired? Well, we can observe the agenda of our ego. Yes, we can stand up to it and - with enormous use of psychic energy - keep the fellow at bay. Yet, "reality" - the thing itself, as the German philosopher Kant once called it - we will never grasp. We are just not wired for it; we don't even have the sensory equipment to grasp it. "Reality" does not exist from our perspective, yet, we have to deal with what we perceive. So what really exists is a choice: ego or love, right perception or fear. The choice is ours, moment by moment.

A spiritual path is not about becoming unbiased. We leave one bias behind and embrace its opposite. This world of ours has been set up just like a virtual reality show to help us find our Self. The rules are simple, ego or love with nothing in between. Misery or peace, passion or serenity; fear or love. The choice is entirely ours. The ego is not something that you can fight or leave behind. But you can make friends with your personality blanked; you can head in a direction that equally excites ego and Soul.  Along the Way every step is meaningful and love can be discovered in every situation. Go for it, teach the stubborn fellow called ego that choosing love is always in your best interest. We will always be biased so we might as well chose love.

You Are Special

CAUSE I GONNA MAKE YOU SEE 
THERE'S NOBODY ELSE HERE,
NO ONE LIKE ME.
I'M SPECIAL, SO SPECIAL,
I GOTTA HAVE SOME OF YOUR ATTENTION.
GIVE IT TO ME!

(Brass in Pocket, The Pretenders)

Some people think some cultures are superior to others, while some people believe more educated people are somehow "better" than the working class. Some feel that taller men are more attractive while some think skinny women are hot. Do I need to go on? Probably not, I think you get the picture. 

For every opinion and value-judgement there is the opposing view right next to it. Yet you have to respect how you feel and it is often not that hard to figure out where your priors are coming from. Maybe you had to work hard to get your education so you now appreciate being surrounded by intellectuals. Or maybe you had to climb out of poverty and now enjoy living a rich lifestyle. Maybe your parents weren't so tall so you somehow appreciate size in your partner. Whatever it is that is meaningful to you personally, know that the perfect counter-example will likely knock on your door for that is what a spiritual path is all about.

Spirituality is really a way of seeing. Don't beat yourself up over your biases, just accept them as they are but be open to letting life teach you what else matters. The German mathematician and philosopher Leibniz once concluded, "we live in the best of all worlds". Everyone is special in our world and there is a way to make everyone fit in God's magnificent puzzle in a perfect way. And it is your job to experience how all the unique pieces fit into a wholesome impressionistic mosaic. Spirituality is perception - you see the world just as an artist does.

When parents see their child they see a diamond in the rough. And if some parents are somehow unable to see the gem then there will always be a special someone, a coach, a teacher, a soul partner, a child or mentor who does. Spirituality is seeing and it is in our power to see what God knows: you are special and perfect just the way you are. 

Overcoming Your Biases

Psychology has made a nice comeback in recent years as a science. With the help of technology and a little creativity we are now able to test our reactions to people and events and even our subconscious biases in a way like never before. One very nice example in this direction is the test that measures how quickly we can override some hidden beliefs. Say you are asked to push a button to link "women" and "math skills". The longer it takes you to push the button, the more engrained the stereotype that women aren't as good in math as men is in you. That bias may be difficult to accept, but as long as you are aware of it, you have always the ability to compensate for it in your day to day interactions.

Life is nothing but a big healing opportunity to get the hidden stuff out of the basement of your being. A spiritual path helps you with that. All the characters and events that come your way give you the opportunity to learn something new about yourself. So don't aspire to be unbiased, you can't do that anyhow, aspire to discover love in all your interactions. Your friends will help you to make the right choice despite yourself. Show up in every situation, put your best foot forward, and if it takes you a microsecond longer to smile in a situation, that's ok. God is happy to wait for you.

Mental Biases

No one with a personal investment is a reliable witness, for the truth to him has become what he wants it to be.
A Course in Miracles

I have seen people who have done remarkably well for themselves despite the fact that they live in a world of their own. Mistakes by definition must be the fault of others; they can only see situations from their vantage point. When you first meet these people you will be surprised how pleasant they are. Yet, please keep your distance and especially, never go on a collision course with them.

The ego has a one-sided view and since we all have ego, we all tend to be biased. So should we just all throw our arms up in the air and say that since no one can be objective, we might just have it our way anyway? I don't think the situation is quite as bleak. Very much as there are some who cannot admit mistakes to themselves, there are others who tend to be pretty realistic about what is going on. More than that, I have observed that impartiality can be acquired if you hand over the steering wheel to the Tao.

The Tao teaches you to look at everything as is. Sure, you still favor the outcomes, but the Tao shows you again and again that you don't even know what you should be rooting for. The ego is not kind to you. You can observe that fact in yourself and others. Follow the Tao step by step and your ego will be absorbed in the process. Along the Tao you have no expectations, no agenda and no action plan. Impressions and choices hit you so fast that there is simply no time to think and scheme. With nothing to root for, you will see reality as is.

Accept Your Agenda

We all want something. We enjoy spending our time with attractive people because we enjoy what we see. At work, we want to spend our times with the successful folks or the ones who will give us something in return. I remember being in an elevator with a colleague making small talk and when a partner (those are the somewhat more important people) got into the elevator, he immediately talked to him instead. I thought to myself 'that's a little too blatant' but realized at that moment that there was a colleague in the elevator who was more junior to us and I had somehow forgotten to greet him when I was so engaged talking to my colleague. 'Well', I thought to myself, 'he who is in the glasshouse shouldn't throw stones'. 

Yes, you are biased. Yes, your agenda drives you. You better accept it. But there is good news, it doesn't really matter because at each moment you are offered an opportunity to heal. To go back to the elevator example, the moment the two colleagues had left the elevator I turned to the younger colleague and had a nice chat with him. Had it not been for my revealed hidden agenda earlier, we probably wouldn't have connected the way we did then. Just keep your ears, eyes and heart wide open and the opportunities to dump your agenda will be offered to you. For every bias you have hidden, the Tao offers you an open door to let go of it.