On Leaving the Desire to Escape Behind

I drink not from mere joy in wine nor to scoff at faith - no, only to forget myself for a moment, that alone do I want from intoxication, that alone.
(Omar Khayyam)

Why is there such a deep longing at times to slip back into the unconsciousness? Lots of alcohol does it for you, as do binges of all sorts. It is a brief feeling of exhilaration in which one disconnects from all the sorrows and pain. But alas, the orgasmic high is quickly followed by a dreadful hang-over.

I used to think that this habit of just letting go is a problem of will-power. Yet will-power can carry you only that far. It is hard to be yourself all the time. From childhood on we are molded into a persona and carry it around like a heavy armor. So naturally, all the heavy lifting is followed by the urge to just let go at times. It is an "escape from freedom", as Erich Fromm put it so well in his same-titled book. We spiritual folks may be working especially hard to free ourselves of the robot inside. We manage most of he time, but when for some reason the going gets tough, we just want to let go like everyone else.

If will-power gets you only that far, try to take off the armor that you carry around instead. Merge with life, become one with the problems that you are facing. If you realize that all your so-called problems are here to help you, would you try to escape them? Moreover, grant yourself the needs that you want to satisfy in your orgasmic binges: Love, sexual fulfillment, connectedness, creativity, security, peace of mind. Who exactly says that you can't experience this all the time?

The reason why we frown on all these temporary escapes us that we try to get what is ours with inappropriate methods. Our goal should be to experience connectedness all the time and not just for a brief moment that comes with a big bill attached. Your spiritual path will get all your authentic needs fulfilled if you manage to stay connected.

Yesterday was a special day for me. For the first time since our boys were born we played golf as a family. As I was walking the sun-flooded course I was thinking to myself that I should have granted myself this little pleasure a lot earlier. So please think for a moment, what authentic needs don't you grant yourself right now because you think you are too busy or too poor? I encourage you to take care of all your authentic needs one by one. If you need truly need something, it will be part of the Way.

When you are truly connected with Her, escapes of all sorts are simply unnecessary.  

Do You Have a Choice?

You are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you exercise choice.
(A Course in Miracles)

Neurologists ran a strange experiment. They observed brain activity and found that there is an institution in our brain that apparently knows about a decision before we are consciously aware that we made this choice! Could it be that we don't have a free will at all and only ex-post explain what we would have done anyway?

Have you ever seen people on auto-pilot? The way they run after money, fame, power, entertainment, or trophy spouses? Do you have observed people who worry excessively? The way they would like to protect and scheme themselves into safety? Everybody probably acts like a robot on one level or other, the question is whether we can - with the help of a spiritual quest - increase our degrees of freedom.

Sure you can! Have you ever meditated on a day when you feel absolutely carefree? You perceive thoughts popping up and they do - just like cloud formations in the sky - disappear as quickly. In contrast, how different everything becomes once you go after something that you care a lot about. Thoughts and actions soon can't be separated any longer and the deeper you get lost in whatever it is that gets you going, the more intense the stream of thoughts become until they can't be shut off anymore.

Have a look at the wheel below. Thoughts bubble from what appears to be the subconscious. But they themselves are a function of what you have been occupied with in the past. Thoughts form in your mind and once you start engaging with them you act them out, which on turn gets the new subconscious thought pattern going. As long as you live this wheel will always be spinning; but you can definitely decide on its intensity and the direction you want to take with it.

                                       subconscious



action                                                           thought



                                         engage



The question is now, how can you spin this wheel in the desired direction: away from fear, worry and greed towards love, peace of mind and freedom. That's where the spiritual path comes in. Engage in stuff that gives you peace and happiness and avoid the stuff that pulls your energy frequency down. It is a process. You can't will yourself to be an angel. And when the dark stuff pops up from the subconscious at times then you have to deal with that to.

As you clean your agenda you will observe that a distance starts growing to the thoughts that go through your mind. They no longer define you. I started the note with a strange neurological experiment. Whether we have free will in the end I cannot say. But I can tell you that you can always look back on the past - very much like a recovering addict would - and decide that in some areas of your life you now have a choice whereas before you didn't.

Ain't it Fun Living in the real World!

So what are you gonna do when the world don't orbit around you?
Ain't it fun living in the real world?
Ain't it good being all alone?

Where you're from,
you might be the one who's running things.
Well, you can ring anybody's bell to get what you want.
You see, it's easy to ignore a trouble,
when  you're living in a bubble

Don't go crying to your mama 'cause you're on your own in the real world
(Paramore, Ain't it fun?)

How can they say we live in the best of all world? "Best" from whose perspective? "Best" according to the Way: the so-called "real world" is designed to wake you up and remind you of who you truly are.

If you happen to sleep in but you have an important business day ahead of you, you want someone to give you a wake- up call, right? In the same way, life stands ready to assist you to wake you up from your slumber. When everything is going your way you will hardly aspire to awaken, but if life brings you little trifles, lets you experience little bumps along the way; when life surprises you, when strangers smile at you, you have a shot of stepping outside of yourself at this moment. Everyone  and everything is here to ensure that you are connected with the Way. The "I" as you know it unfortunately has a vested interest in staying asleep. Embrace life and learn to disconnect from the "I" in the process.

How can they say that we are asleep even though we appear to be awake? Well, just observe how people push your buttons all around you. The attractive girl who makes your heart beat faster, the competitor who makes your stomach turn, or the the little baby who brings up fond memories of the time when your children were young. The "I" perceives a continuum of experiences and believes there is only one identity, but this is all fabricated by your mind. Truth of the matter is that we change appearances and sentiments just like a chameleon does in response to our external environment. We are sleepwalker only thinking that we are in charge.

So how can we step out of our robotic life? Well, be aware of what's going on. When things are going your way, monitor how the "I" enjoys being lulled to sleep. Once resistance comes your way, once feeling of pain, regrets or anger pop up, notice how the "I" gets irritated. What a nice opportunity to observe the robot at work! Observe how the "observer" kicks in at this golden moment. Life gives you a wake-up call moment by moment and all you have to do is to let go of the steering wheel. Ain't it fun living in the real world!

Life is a Present, but Only if You are Present

Being mindful allows you to track down what appear to be subconscious processes, disentangle them and bring them out in the open. Say you lie in bed, your partner is fast asleep but since you are lying next to each other, you can feel a touch on your body. You feel sexual energy rising in you, you feel relaxed because it is Saturday and you have a long weekend coming up, you are touching yourself, you picture your favorite sexual act and you effectively begin to masturbate.

When you think about it, there are actually many things going on in this scene. A lot happens between the moment you wake up and the time you masturbate. Waking up is obviously out of your control, as is the experience of the touch of your partner and the fact that sexual energy is rising in you. You may be a person who always feels sexual energy most intensely when you are relaxed. Knowing the mood you are in helps you understand how you are likely to react. Once you are mindful of what is going on inside, you suddenly realize that you have a choice in touching yourself and a choice in creating exciting sexual mental images. Before you were just on an autopilot that led to masturbation even though many of the processes weren't subconscious at all, be mindful gives you a choice in what experience and lets you experience everything more intensely.

Try to be present when something is happening inside you, say sexual energy surge in you like in in our example. How do you react to this energy surge? How is your mood when you experience it? Are you angry or pleased, anxious or relaxed, are you in a good or in a bad mood? Try to be present when these processes run, or otherwise you will be just dragged around by these emotions and energy and will end up acing like a slave. Are you a master of your emotions and actions or are you controlled totally by the robot inside?

To become a master of your emotions and your actions can be learned. Try to be present when these energies surge in you, feel how different emotions work on your body, and try to understand why you have these reactions. With your total attention and total presence, with the gaze of your love, these emotions calm down like a purring cat. Please practice this by yourself, you basically can see the transition of your emotions in action. You can experience how pain is transformed into love and joy; anxiety into peace; anger into forgiveness.

Please don’t suppress your emotions. Accept them as they are. Try not to judge them and label them as good or bad. Take them all and in experience them as they are. The problems for most of people is that they are controlled and dragged around by their emotions. The emotional, mental and physical dominos are falling and afterwards the outcome gets labeled as good or bad. When something is labeled as good, you are happy to experience what is going on and you want them to stay with it as long as possible. On the contrary, when the emotions are labeled as bad, you don’t want them, you try to get rid of them and you afterwards beat yourself or someone else up over them.

If you really watch these emotions and observe them carefully, you will find that, as a matter of fact, these emotions come and go by themselves. But if you resist them, suppress them, or try to control them, they will stay longer. Just be present with them, you will be able to transcendent these emotions, understand them and yourself, and experience life

With your presence, the intensity of every emotion will become strong and you will also gain back the feeling of liveliness. Do you recall how you experienced life as a child? Can you feel the breeze when you walk in nature? Can you see the flowers blooming all over the places? Can you taste the flavor of food? Have you ever experienced talking to your loved one and feel the love flowing back and forth between you two? Have you ever experienced the pain when someone you really care is walking out of your life? Yes, these situations trigger our emotions and sensations. If you are present in these happenings, you will connect with the lively energy of these things. You cannot help feeling that life is wonderful and exciting because you are lively there participating every thing.

Dear friends, please get out of your mind and your auto-pilot and join life instead. Leave the roller-coaster of emotions, just experience the first push, the psychological trigger and experience how the stimulus is fading naturally when you just observe. Life is a present and a blessing, but only when you are present will you be able to get it. You have lived in the illusionary world full of worry and fear long enough. Join the real world and be ready to receive your present.

By Christian and Su Zhen

The Robot with a Heart

Ask a gambling addict what is going on inside him when he smells the smoke-infested room where the players are gathering, when he sees the whiskey being poured into his glass, when he puts his chips on the table and when he hears, sees and smells the shuffling of the brand-new set of cards, and he will tell you that at this stage, even before the playing has begun, he is already in a trance. He is hooked and from this point on he will only leave this premise when it is 4 am (when it closes down) or when he is broke and will be kicked out, literally.

You would agree with me that our addicted player acts like a robot, driven by his addiction, but you would probably also agree with me that every addiction can be beat, so from the perspective of the cured addict, you gain freedom. Yet, the question remains, do we ever have the potential to gain freedom when we are in this body; aren't we always in one way or another set up by our hormones, the environment we are in and our stored memories? The psychological research would claim we are. Our thoughts are a function of our feelings, and our feelings depend on the environment we are in, the state of our body, our past, etc. For example, put people in an untidy room and they turn out to be more judgmental than people who sit in clean surroundings. Expose woman to men with high testosterone levels and they will find them more attractive during the time they are ovulating. The list goes on and on.

So you can argue that we have a choice to free ourselves very much as the gambling addict who with a lot of will-power and the help from his friends avoids the trance state, or you can argue that no matter how pure our actions or the environment we are living in, we will always be robots led by life, our body and the environment we are operating in, viewed from a higher level of consciousness. Actually, I think the latter view is correct but I would also say that from a spiritual perspective this discussion is entirely intellectual. Just imagine yourself sitting on a couch somewhere experiencing the movie called life. So you are an avatar, but the spiritual person conjectures that one day we will be waking up to a higher level of consciousness.

So what do you know with that insight? You might never be free, always bound by the avatar life has chosen for you. What you can do, however if you are a spiritual person, you can get in touch with your heart and choose love always, no matter what. That is the spiritual mandate the Christ has for you and you can always study for yourself how you experience life if you run this divine experiment. As far as your mind is concerned, you might be a robot. But luckily for you, this robot has always the choice to get into touch with his heart. Please try it, it is very much worth your while.

Awakened by the Moment

I was shopping in the grocery store yesterday and suddenly found myself on camera in one of the security cameras. It only caught my face for a micro second, but it was long enough for me to notice that I didn't look happy. I must have been caught in some train of thought, but used the precious opportunity to wake up from it, least for a moment or two.

We are all robots most of the time, riding train of thoughts that we think express our being, when in fact we are just participants in a movie that is beyond our conscious control. Have you ever seen how unhappy old people look most of the time? Dark thoughts indeed they must have based on their grim facial expressions.

But then, you don't have to end up that way at all. You can be as happy and flexible as children, and today you have a perfect opportunity to turn your ship around. Think of everything that happens in your life - failures as much as successes, pleasant surprises as well as unpleasant ones, applause as much as criticism - as a way to be rescued from your auto-pilot. Welcome everything that comes your way, no matter what. Never aspire to be elsewhere other than the situation you are in and the company you have right now. Life is your guarantee to be awakened at that holy moment.

Your mind attempts to shield you from life. You certainly can't stop these thoughts from popping up, but you can do your best to allow life to redirect your energy. My philosophy is to say yes to everything that comes my way, no matter how painful or joyful it appears on the outset. The alternative is dreadful - me having fun with my thoughts. I think that it is fun for sure, but my facial expression suggest otherwise. In contrast, when I have to engage with people in the situations life throws at me, I may dread them in advance, but when the camera catches me engaging with the now, there is suddenly liveliness in my facial expression. The Tao keeps you in the now.

There is no difference between the spiritual folks and many other folks at all. Everyone has the same shot at happiness, everyone has the same right to be blessed by the moment. Show up for life and engage completely with consideration and love for others and you are as spiritual as they come. They say 'be here now or be nowhere'; yup, that is the Tao in action - life is as simple as that.