On Leaving the Desire to Escape Behind

I drink not from mere joy in wine nor to scoff at faith - no, only to forget myself for a moment, that alone do I want from intoxication, that alone.
(Omar Khayyam)

Why is there such a deep longing at times to slip back into the unconsciousness? Lots of alcohol does it for you, as do binges of all sorts. It is a brief feeling of exhilaration in which one disconnects from all the sorrows and pain. But alas, the orgasmic high is quickly followed by a dreadful hang-over.

I used to think that this habit of just letting go is a problem of will-power. Yet will-power can carry you only that far. It is hard to be yourself all the time. From childhood on we are molded into a persona and carry it around like a heavy armor. So naturally, all the heavy lifting is followed by the urge to just let go at times. It is an "escape from freedom", as Erich Fromm put it so well in his same-titled book. We spiritual folks may be working especially hard to free ourselves of the robot inside. We manage most of he time, but when for some reason the going gets tough, we just want to let go like everyone else.

If will-power gets you only that far, try to take off the armor that you carry around instead. Merge with life, become one with the problems that you are facing. If you realize that all your so-called problems are here to help you, would you try to escape them? Moreover, grant yourself the needs that you want to satisfy in your orgasmic binges: Love, sexual fulfillment, connectedness, creativity, security, peace of mind. Who exactly says that you can't experience this all the time?

The reason why we frown on all these temporary escapes us that we try to get what is ours with inappropriate methods. Our goal should be to experience connectedness all the time and not just for a brief moment that comes with a big bill attached. Your spiritual path will get all your authentic needs fulfilled if you manage to stay connected.

Yesterday was a special day for me. For the first time since our boys were born we played golf as a family. As I was walking the sun-flooded course I was thinking to myself that I should have granted myself this little pleasure a lot earlier. So please think for a moment, what authentic needs don't you grant yourself right now because you think you are too busy or too poor? I encourage you to take care of all your authentic needs one by one. If you need truly need something, it will be part of the Way.

When you are truly connected with Her, escapes of all sorts are simply unnecessary.  

The Desire to Let Go

He was a fairly successful businessman and, as everybody thought, happily married as well. But he had a weird dark side. Just about once a month on a quiet Friday he left work early and drove aimlessly around in residential areas until he found houses he could slip into. He just wanted to stalk stay-home moms, watch them as they did their routine housework chores. He would sometimes climb into their closets and masturbate. The strange thing was, on the chosen day already at work he would feel that dark cloud descending; that pleasant feeling of letting go, the anticipation of ecstasy. By the time he got into his car he was on autopilot. There was no turning back at this point. It was literally a trance. Only when his dark business has been finished would he come to his senses again.

I remember reading this case once in a book on sexual addiction and thought that it really brings out the act of falling in a trance just by thinking about what is about to transpire. The evil act becomes a ritual; the final release in form of masturbation is just the the last step in a long process.  For hours this guy would be thinking about breaking into someone's house. The heart would be pumping at a fast pace at the very thought, the sexual and stress hormones would be surging and - like you experience bungee jumping - would create that high that he interprets as pleasurable. In contrast to an orgasm which disappears as quickly as it comes, this ritual can actually be enjoyed for hours. Repeat this procedure over and over and even the anticipation of this act will put you in a drugged state. The consciousness retreats and a dark force takes over.

Psychologically, an addiction is an act of handing over the steering wheel. Your consciousness shuts down and something else inside takes over. Erich Fromm once coined the phrase "escape from freedom"; that's what a trance really is about.

For an adult who has been crafting and maintained a persona for a few decades, it is literally hard work to keep it all going. All these conflicts that fight each other below the surface  have to be consciously overridden, day in and day out. Little psychological wounds are being incurred all the time and unfulfilled desires create ongoing frustrations. All this  accumulates to one big pain body that begs to be released. As this pressure is catching up with you, you try to escape by reaching for the bottle, by eating massive amounts of food, by releasing anger in a fit, you name it. An addiction is a more extreme case but the problem statement is really the same.  The demon whispers in your ear to hand over the steering wheel, and as you do the hormones and pleasure chemicals surge through your body and you are hooked

Addiction: Highway to Hell

I once met someone who was abused as a child by his father and he described how his father exposed himself and masturbated in front of him you could literally see how his eyes drifted into a trance. It appeared as if he was literally unconscious as he abused his son.

 Even though all addictions seem so different, from gambling to sex and substance abuse, as you approach the high the mind turns on autopilot in all cases. You feel the surge of energy, the increased heart beat, the surge of blood into your brain, followed by the feeling of something taking over and you are suddenly hooked: 'Escape from Freedom' as Erich Fromm put this phenomenon so succinctly, take a few steps in the wrong direction and you are on the highway to hell.

If you are on the highway to hell, you still always can turn your car around. I don't believe that there is a point of no return. If you dig a hole for yourself you can dig yourself out of it as well; only you have to know what you are fighting for. Kerry Spackman in his book 'The Winner's Bible' described the remarkable turn- around of one of his clients who managed to beat a highly addictive chemical substance the moment she realized that without a change in her life she would loose her son. She put a photo up of him and quit - that's it! Her story may be an outlier success story, but the remedy for all who travel on the highway to life is the same: the opposite direction on this highway is to say 'yes to life', even though it hurts a lot in the beginning. Saying 'yes to life' means taking ownership of decisions instead of escaping.