Pain Buddies

In our relationships with others, whether it is a parent-child relationship, the relationship between lovers, or perhaps just friendships, there are sometimes mutual learning opportunities that involve pain. We are often unwilling to accept these dark spots in ourselves, yet others, often people we care a lot about, force us to confront them. A little prick and all hell breaks loose. At this point we don't even see our friends and family, we only see our own projections of the painful situation. We are unable to see the whole picture just because the dark spot is in the way.

This undigested pain is taking reality away from you time and time again. Whenever it is active, you relive your past and can not see reality as is. You are literally living in the dark. You probably know by now the situations and the people that trigger your pain body. Once activated, you are reliving your past in the new situation. You have a chance to erase the dark spot, but you must be willing to look. The darker the spot, the more intensely you have to look. If you just project your pain to the party who triggered it, the movie will keep on replaying itself.

This is your movie and you have a possibility to step out of it, very much like an actor is leaving a movie set after the movie is finished. The moment you realize that the inner movie is replaying itself, you have a chance to free yourself from this pain body. The demons of the past will vanish if you like a heroine are willing to face the pain this time around. No projection, just objectively looking at the situation despite the tears, despite the anger and despite the incredible pain. The pain from the past needs to be healed, so stay with it until the pain calms down by itself.

Many of us have the expectation that the ones who are so dear to our heart will love us unconditionally. While this expectation hopefully comes true, there are several problems. When we are experiencing our pain, we are actually not able to see clearly. Our friends and soul siblings stand there with a stretched-out helping hand, yet, we accuse them of causing our pain. We accuse them of not loving us. It takes a lot of faith to keep on walking despite the doubts that torment our mind. The other problem is that our friends and soul siblings have their psychological baggage that they need to let go of. You have searched and found each other to heal each other. You are pain buddies. May you both have the faith, patience and strength to carry each other.

My dear friends, yes there is pain but if you put your best foot forward, trust that your friend and soul sibling will be able to do the same. Trust each other, trust that you each have the key in your hand to unlock the other's closet that hides the monsters of the past. Trust that your friend and soul sibling will be worthy to make it through your dark side. When we wrote this note, Kelly Clarkson was playing on the radio. It looks like she puts her faith into her pain buddy herself:

Oh no, oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am!

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am!

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll stay
(Kelly Clarkson, Dark Side)


By Christian & Su Zhen