Even the faintest hint of your reality literally drives
the ego from your mind.
A Course of Miracles
Examine the severity of
punishments of judges dependent on whether they have eaten or not and you find a
strong correlation. That can't be, no? Well, it turns out that even though we
are who we are, change our hormones, our nutrition or the environment we are
operating in and we change colors altogether. The ego is your psychological
perception of who you think you are. You can't argue with that. What you can do
though, you can operate in the environment you aspire to be in and learn for yourself how your behaviour is changing. So in the case of our judge, carry a power bar with you before you
decide anything.
The 21 Day Rule is often quoted in self-help books. The
argument is that if you consciously change a habit for 21 days you have
programmed this new behavior into your subconscious and it is yours afterwards.
Try this experiment with anything your ego cares about and stay away for it for
21 days. Keep a notebook by your side and track the changes in your perceptions
and feelings during that time period. By just ignoring the ego it faints like
fog from your system, but you have to give it a few days. Try this experiment
for yourself.
Showing posts with label 21 Day Rule. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 21 Day Rule. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Addiction: From Bondage to Freedom
Dear friend, if you are reading
this note you probably have a habit that bothers you, some addiction that
simply doesn't want to go away. You probably mind your lack of will-power,
perhaps even hate yourself deep down inside. You are not alone. As a matter of
fact, most of us are addicted to something, some might not even realize that
they are. With every addiction, there is some sensation, some feeling attached
to it that you enjoy so much. You are in heaven when you experience this feeling
and even the anticipation of this activity puts you in heaven. The flip side of
it though, the withdrawal phase gets darker and darker, just as the high gets
ever more intense. It feels like you are being sucked into a dark tunnel and
with every step you are taking you are asking yourself why you can't
stop.
All addictions are taboo in our society, be it a sex, drug, alcohol, gambling, or video games. Many of us manage to hide our dark habits from others, but eventually it will come out in the open and we are very afraid of that. You have probably tried quitting and had phases of success only to find that when you backtrack, your indulgence becomes even more extreme and afterwards you are beating yourself up over it. If you are religious, you probably curse yourself and think that you are a sinner, perhaps even that you deserve all this pain, struggle and suffering. You have to understand that it is the ego that is talking and not God; the same force that got you into this mess in the first place. You may be surprised to hear that, but the addiction is here for a reason; it can teach you so much about yourself, about your longings, about your cravings and the endless restlessness in you. The divine intervention to lead you out of this tunnel has already shown up. You will see that once you have managed to turn this car around, you will be headed for a lifelong journey into the light.
You cannot discover the ego by thinking about it. You cannot beat the ego by arguing with it. All you can do is to observe and understand the processes that are going on inside of you. The way out of an addiction is the same. When you observe, you don't judge yourself. You observe what triggers your urges. If you are an alcoholic it might be just a walk past the liqour cabinet that does it, if you are a sex addict, just seeing a computer might do it, and if you are a gambling addict, it might just be the air-ticket to Macao or Las-Vegas that gets your mental juices flowing. When your addiction has been triggered, you are able to observe how you are falling into a trance. Even the anticipation of your addictive activity releases the feel-good chemicals into your brain and from then on you are simply on auto-pilot.
You observe the triggers that get the ball rolling, you observe the feelings when you are experiencing your high and you observe the state you are in on the morning after. If you truly observe how you are hurting yourself, you are strengthening the authority that coexists in you besides the ego - you are strengthening the observer. It is a process, you have to give yourself time to shake off your addictive behavior. Schedule periods of withdrawal. Try to beat your habit for 21 days at least and when you are at it again afterwards, observe how much more powerful the observer in you will become after every dark session. Observe how your energy level is rebounding in the withdrawal phase, observe how the negative repercussions of every additional indulgence feels increasingly more painful.
If you run these dark experiments but you manage to stick to your 21 days of abstinence you will see how your confidence to beat your addiction once and for all will be going up. You will also see that you stop blaming yourself for being helpless. You may ask what is so special about the 21 days. Many psychological study report that it takes about 21 days to reprogram your sub-conscience. So when you experiment with your dark passions after having been abstinent over that time period, it will be literally a new person running these experiments.
After you have run these experiments for a while you will experience how you gain control over the situation. When you gain control you reach the stage in which you can perceive the triggers that would would have started the downward spiral; but you manage to stop yourself as the observer kicks in; you remind yourself of all the negative consequences, the painful 21 day abstinence process that lies ahead, especially the first three days of it which are always the darkest, and with this anticipation you literally stop the train from leaving the station. As the years go by the neurological pathways in your brain get re-wired.
We have a prediction for you my friend. Not only that you will manage to beat your nasty habit, but so much more. When you experiment with the observer in you, you will in fact start a lifelong journey that observes the workings inside of you. You will experience the ego that way and you will discover for yourself that each and every craving is in fact a distraction from the true bliss you can experience when your mind is still. In fact, one day you will thank your addiction for having jumpstarted you on this magnificent spiritual journey from which there is no turning back. Stop beating yourself up over your destructive habit. The past doesn't exist and the now is here to welcome you with open arms. They say that a saint is a sinner who doesn't give up. So get started on your clean-up process and discover for yourself that once you get started, you will not stop until everything surrounding you sparkles like diamonds in the sun. Why don't you get started today - you can do it!
By Christian and Su Zhen
All addictions are taboo in our society, be it a sex, drug, alcohol, gambling, or video games. Many of us manage to hide our dark habits from others, but eventually it will come out in the open and we are very afraid of that. You have probably tried quitting and had phases of success only to find that when you backtrack, your indulgence becomes even more extreme and afterwards you are beating yourself up over it. If you are religious, you probably curse yourself and think that you are a sinner, perhaps even that you deserve all this pain, struggle and suffering. You have to understand that it is the ego that is talking and not God; the same force that got you into this mess in the first place. You may be surprised to hear that, but the addiction is here for a reason; it can teach you so much about yourself, about your longings, about your cravings and the endless restlessness in you. The divine intervention to lead you out of this tunnel has already shown up. You will see that once you have managed to turn this car around, you will be headed for a lifelong journey into the light.
You cannot discover the ego by thinking about it. You cannot beat the ego by arguing with it. All you can do is to observe and understand the processes that are going on inside of you. The way out of an addiction is the same. When you observe, you don't judge yourself. You observe what triggers your urges. If you are an alcoholic it might be just a walk past the liqour cabinet that does it, if you are a sex addict, just seeing a computer might do it, and if you are a gambling addict, it might just be the air-ticket to Macao or Las-Vegas that gets your mental juices flowing. When your addiction has been triggered, you are able to observe how you are falling into a trance. Even the anticipation of your addictive activity releases the feel-good chemicals into your brain and from then on you are simply on auto-pilot.
You observe the triggers that get the ball rolling, you observe the feelings when you are experiencing your high and you observe the state you are in on the morning after. If you truly observe how you are hurting yourself, you are strengthening the authority that coexists in you besides the ego - you are strengthening the observer. It is a process, you have to give yourself time to shake off your addictive behavior. Schedule periods of withdrawal. Try to beat your habit for 21 days at least and when you are at it again afterwards, observe how much more powerful the observer in you will become after every dark session. Observe how your energy level is rebounding in the withdrawal phase, observe how the negative repercussions of every additional indulgence feels increasingly more painful.
If you run these dark experiments but you manage to stick to your 21 days of abstinence you will see how your confidence to beat your addiction once and for all will be going up. You will also see that you stop blaming yourself for being helpless. You may ask what is so special about the 21 days. Many psychological study report that it takes about 21 days to reprogram your sub-conscience. So when you experiment with your dark passions after having been abstinent over that time period, it will be literally a new person running these experiments.
After you have run these experiments for a while you will experience how you gain control over the situation. When you gain control you reach the stage in which you can perceive the triggers that would would have started the downward spiral; but you manage to stop yourself as the observer kicks in; you remind yourself of all the negative consequences, the painful 21 day abstinence process that lies ahead, especially the first three days of it which are always the darkest, and with this anticipation you literally stop the train from leaving the station. As the years go by the neurological pathways in your brain get re-wired.
We have a prediction for you my friend. Not only that you will manage to beat your nasty habit, but so much more. When you experiment with the observer in you, you will in fact start a lifelong journey that observes the workings inside of you. You will experience the ego that way and you will discover for yourself that each and every craving is in fact a distraction from the true bliss you can experience when your mind is still. In fact, one day you will thank your addiction for having jumpstarted you on this magnificent spiritual journey from which there is no turning back. Stop beating yourself up over your destructive habit. The past doesn't exist and the now is here to welcome you with open arms. They say that a saint is a sinner who doesn't give up. So get started on your clean-up process and discover for yourself that once you get started, you will not stop until everything surrounding you sparkles like diamonds in the sun. Why don't you get started today - you can do it!
By Christian and Su Zhen
Sunday, June 24, 2012
On Addiction
Scientists implanted a chip in a monkey's brain which stimulated the brain the same way an orgasm would. Moreover, the monkey could activate the signal himself by pushing a button. As you probably guessed, the poor (or happy, dependent on what your perspective is) monkey pushed the button until he dropped dead.
There is a mesolymbic reward center that gets activated whenever you do whatever you do to achieve fleeting happiness: smoking, alcohol, drugs, pornography, video games, gambling, and so much more. The neurochemical reward in all these cases is dopamine; interestingly, dopamine is also the substance that get released during religious experiences, perhaps explaining why so many spiritual path travelers appear to be struggling with addiction as well.
I always think of addiction as stairways. I am pretty sure everyone has taken a few steps down and knows what letting go of control and trading it for some fleeting moments of happiness is all about.The first glass of wine on a Friday eventing turning into a second until you wake up on Saturday morning with a hangover. Most of us can stop and can walk the stairs up again whereas for some the journey has progressed so deeply into the basement that they feel they don't have the strength anymore to turn around and proceed further and further into the abyss instead.
There is a center in the brain that makes the decisions. You can train this decision making authority just like a muscle. Just think of Martial Arts or Yoga as an example in this direction. After decades of rigorous training these masters have superior control over their body and mind. But you don't even have to be a yogi. Start a simple exercise routine such as running, a gym or even walking and you will see that if you manage to establish these workout regimes, a lot will change in your life with it. The cravings for food, smoking, etc. wane just as your energy level do do other things resumes.
Indulging in your pleasure seeking activity translates into a loss of control. The more dopamine gets released the more you are simply on autopilot. Like the monkey in our experiment before, you push the happiness button until you pass out. I once talked to someone who had been sexually abused by his father as a child. He described that each time his father took his clothes off, you could already see in his dilated eye pupils that he had checked out mentally; a robot was at work afterwards. In fact, you probably can observe this 'point of no return' in you as well. A trigger gets activated by a smell, a memory, a person or a familiar environment and the pleasure center kicks in while the control center checks out.
It turns out that the power of mind control is nurture as much as nature. Psychologists have tested young children's ability to forgo a short-term reward such as a cookie now for two cookies later and those that were willing to wait showed superior will power in consequent experiments as adults. Who knows, perhaps you have a handicap in mind control compared to others, or perhaps your craving to experience oneness is much higher. Genes, environment, psychological cravings, lack of will-power, a lot of issues overlap here and the only real productive question is how can you stop when you don't like the direction you are taking. The last thing you want to do is to beat yourself up over not having the will-power to stop. You have the right amount of will-power, you just have to make your environment a little more conducive to succeed!
I have two messages for you. One, stop thinking of your struggles as a battle between good and evil. When you are under the influence you are simply a different person than when you are off the stimulants. Your brain chemistry is different in both cases, it is as simple as that. My second message would be, it is a stairways, when you have walked down, you can walk up. Your advantage over the monkey is that next to the button there is a tutorial that tells you that it is in your power to stop pushing this button.
So what exactly is it that you can do? You can study the trigger points that get you hooked and learn to avoid them. You can strengthen your will power like we discussed before with a simple routine as exercising regularly or eating more consciously. You can study your psychological cravings: why exactly do you want to numb your system, what psychological substitutes are you running after when you engage in your activity? You can study your two faces by engaging in your addictive activity like a psychological experiment. What do you experience when you are hooked versus how do you feel when you are without cravings. I suggest a simple 21 day rule where for 21 days you stay off your activity and report in a diary what you experience. My rule of thumb, dependent on the activity and how seriously you are affected by it, the first 3 days of abstinence are always the hardest, whereas all other days get progressively better. When you practice this routine you will understand that the stairways is really an energy exchange. Taking a step down is a loan of energy whereas the journey up is a payback with interest.
Lastly, I have unfortunately little to say if you already feel so hooked that you can only start the journey back with the help from others. Luckily there are many self-help centers available to come to the rescue. I would say though that everyone who has taken the steps down should be able to make the journey up as well. You set yourself up to experience your downfall; after figuring out why you want your life back, life will throw you the necessary life ring as well. You are in control of your destiny, even when you feel helpless at this moment. If you can't get up on your own, an angel will come to help you, she always does. But you have to take the first step. No one can do this for you.
There is a mesolymbic reward center that gets activated whenever you do whatever you do to achieve fleeting happiness: smoking, alcohol, drugs, pornography, video games, gambling, and so much more. The neurochemical reward in all these cases is dopamine; interestingly, dopamine is also the substance that get released during religious experiences, perhaps explaining why so many spiritual path travelers appear to be struggling with addiction as well.
I always think of addiction as stairways. I am pretty sure everyone has taken a few steps down and knows what letting go of control and trading it for some fleeting moments of happiness is all about.The first glass of wine on a Friday eventing turning into a second until you wake up on Saturday morning with a hangover. Most of us can stop and can walk the stairs up again whereas for some the journey has progressed so deeply into the basement that they feel they don't have the strength anymore to turn around and proceed further and further into the abyss instead.
There is a center in the brain that makes the decisions. You can train this decision making authority just like a muscle. Just think of Martial Arts or Yoga as an example in this direction. After decades of rigorous training these masters have superior control over their body and mind. But you don't even have to be a yogi. Start a simple exercise routine such as running, a gym or even walking and you will see that if you manage to establish these workout regimes, a lot will change in your life with it. The cravings for food, smoking, etc. wane just as your energy level do do other things resumes.
Indulging in your pleasure seeking activity translates into a loss of control. The more dopamine gets released the more you are simply on autopilot. Like the monkey in our experiment before, you push the happiness button until you pass out. I once talked to someone who had been sexually abused by his father as a child. He described that each time his father took his clothes off, you could already see in his dilated eye pupils that he had checked out mentally; a robot was at work afterwards. In fact, you probably can observe this 'point of no return' in you as well. A trigger gets activated by a smell, a memory, a person or a familiar environment and the pleasure center kicks in while the control center checks out.
It turns out that the power of mind control is nurture as much as nature. Psychologists have tested young children's ability to forgo a short-term reward such as a cookie now for two cookies later and those that were willing to wait showed superior will power in consequent experiments as adults. Who knows, perhaps you have a handicap in mind control compared to others, or perhaps your craving to experience oneness is much higher. Genes, environment, psychological cravings, lack of will-power, a lot of issues overlap here and the only real productive question is how can you stop when you don't like the direction you are taking. The last thing you want to do is to beat yourself up over not having the will-power to stop. You have the right amount of will-power, you just have to make your environment a little more conducive to succeed!
I have two messages for you. One, stop thinking of your struggles as a battle between good and evil. When you are under the influence you are simply a different person than when you are off the stimulants. Your brain chemistry is different in both cases, it is as simple as that. My second message would be, it is a stairways, when you have walked down, you can walk up. Your advantage over the monkey is that next to the button there is a tutorial that tells you that it is in your power to stop pushing this button.
So what exactly is it that you can do? You can study the trigger points that get you hooked and learn to avoid them. You can strengthen your will power like we discussed before with a simple routine as exercising regularly or eating more consciously. You can study your psychological cravings: why exactly do you want to numb your system, what psychological substitutes are you running after when you engage in your activity? You can study your two faces by engaging in your addictive activity like a psychological experiment. What do you experience when you are hooked versus how do you feel when you are without cravings. I suggest a simple 21 day rule where for 21 days you stay off your activity and report in a diary what you experience. My rule of thumb, dependent on the activity and how seriously you are affected by it, the first 3 days of abstinence are always the hardest, whereas all other days get progressively better. When you practice this routine you will understand that the stairways is really an energy exchange. Taking a step down is a loan of energy whereas the journey up is a payback with interest.
Lastly, I have unfortunately little to say if you already feel so hooked that you can only start the journey back with the help from others. Luckily there are many self-help centers available to come to the rescue. I would say though that everyone who has taken the steps down should be able to make the journey up as well. You set yourself up to experience your downfall; after figuring out why you want your life back, life will throw you the necessary life ring as well. You are in control of your destiny, even when you feel helpless at this moment. If you can't get up on your own, an angel will come to help you, she always does. But you have to take the first step. No one can do this for you.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Addictions
I am sure pretty much everybody has at one point experienced or been exposed to addictive behaviors. As we know, the victim falls into a stuck pattern and, as time goes by, the personal consequences become increasingly dire. Addiction ends up being a cry for help. What is wrong with me, why can't I stop asks the victim helplessly. An addiction is a loud message from the core of your soul to wake up. Louise Hay pointed out that addictions are always a cover-up for a personal imbalance. As you wean yourself off your pernicious habit see what changes in your life in response. This soul searching process can be intellectually stimulating despite all the pain.
A big fear of every hooked person is the bleak perspective that you have to stop for the rest of your life. It takes superhuman willpower to do this, doesn't it? I have a little trick for you to push this mental bloc aside. You may have heard of the 21 day rule. If you reprogram your system for 21 consecutive days, you have effectively introduced a new pattern, and you are a changed person afterwards. Based on my own experience, the mental resistance to overcoming your addiction falls exponentially. The first day is like hell; probably the Law of Attraction is at work where you literally attract all the symbols of your addiction into your life. Day 2 hurts, but is somewhat better. Day 3 is much better. The changes between days 4 to 21 hardly can be perceived any more. The tough part of the story though, you have to make it through the first 3 days.
Ha, you will say. How does this change my bleak outlook that I have to stay away from my compulsive behavior until the rest of my life? How should I have the willpower to do this? Well, here is the thing. As you stay dry for longer periods, coupled with the necessary soul searching process that you have to find the root course of your nasty habit, your system normalizes. Each time when you relapse, the costs attached will become immediately clear to you. Your system has become stable. You do not need to be afraid of anything since your conviction level that you are mastering the problem will rise with each relapse.
A big fear of every hooked person is the bleak perspective that you have to stop for the rest of your life. It takes superhuman willpower to do this, doesn't it? I have a little trick for you to push this mental bloc aside. You may have heard of the 21 day rule. If you reprogram your system for 21 consecutive days, you have effectively introduced a new pattern, and you are a changed person afterwards. Based on my own experience, the mental resistance to overcoming your addiction falls exponentially. The first day is like hell; probably the Law of Attraction is at work where you literally attract all the symbols of your addiction into your life. Day 2 hurts, but is somewhat better. Day 3 is much better. The changes between days 4 to 21 hardly can be perceived any more. The tough part of the story though, you have to make it through the first 3 days.
Ha, you will say. How does this change my bleak outlook that I have to stay away from my compulsive behavior until the rest of my life? How should I have the willpower to do this? Well, here is the thing. As you stay dry for longer periods, coupled with the necessary soul searching process that you have to find the root course of your nasty habit, your system normalizes. Each time when you relapse, the costs attached will become immediately clear to you. Your system has become stable. You do not need to be afraid of anything since your conviction level that you are mastering the problem will rise with each relapse.
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