Free

My father recently passed away. Since then  I have been riding an emotional roller coaster. One day, I feel I am totally fine while the next day, I feel incredibly sad, scared, and full of pain. I remember one day in particular when I was really down. I felt lonely and life seemed to be really unfair. I felt that the whole world was having fun while I was hurting bad. But then I reminded myself that life in fact is quite fair. Everyone goes through this. We all suffer at some point or other losses and disappointments. One day we will all die, rich or poor, beautiful or ugly.

When I had this realization, out of a sudden, I felt that I was liberated. I was there on the same footing with everyone else; equally experiencing what it means to be the human; the joy of birth, the happiness of success, the pain of loss, and the fear of death…suddenly, I didn’t feel lonely at all…suddenly, I felt that I was well taken care of.

I also learned to balance myself through this emotional roller coaster experience. What should we really attach ourselves to?  Nothing! Except for our own awareness and observation which as meaningful to our soul development, everything else is surreal. As soon as we are happy for something, the downside of life is already lurking. As soon as we are sad or disappointed, life silently lifts us up….just experience everything with an equal mind and know that whatever you are experiencing, soon you are going to experience different things and have different feelings.  There is no need to be sad or happy for all these fleeting things…just experience them as they are, absorb them and center yourself again. However the world is changing, whatever life has brought you, you are there watching, experiencing with an pair of eternal eyes; you are there experiencing everything just like every one does, but you always have the choice to be free.

When I saw this truth of life, I suddenly felt free.

By Su Zhen

The Story of the Old Monk

There was once a revered old monk in a monastery. Every day he went out and took care of the garden. He didn't shy away from hard work despite his age. The other monks worried about him and one day decided to hide the shovel that he always used for his work. The monk said nothing and stopped working just as the other monks had hoped he would. A few weeks later he died!

It appears the monk took the missing shovel as a sign from above to just let go. Catering to the garden had given him life's meaning while without it nothing could keep him on earth anymore. That is exactly how death works - it is a decision. For most of us these changes happen subconsciously and we experience death as an event beyond our control. But for some big souls it can be an active choice as well. Nothing is really strong enough to beat us, but when we hear the voice inside that it is time to let go, we do sooner or later.

Viktor Frankl in his book Man's Search for Meaning had a strange observation that confirmed this thesis. During his stay in a Nazi concentration camp he noticed that whenever someone was found smoking a cigarette, that person would often die within a few days afterwards. During those times cigarettes acted as currencies, so lighting a cigarette meant that you were literally setting money on fire! Frankl took this as a sign that they had simply given up on life. Conditions were so so tough during these days that only a strong will for surviving gave you a shot of making it to the next day.

Sun Tzu once claimed, "victory is reserved to those who are willing to pay the price." Well, we are that powerful, we can accomplish whatever we set our heart on. But then there are the times when we are unwilling to pay the price. That's when we are ready to move on. How do we know when it is time to fight and when it is time to move on, you might ask. Well, that depends on your mission in life. As long as you have one and are willing to see it through no matter what the price, no one can keep you from it.

Ripping Off a Band-Aid

When you realize where you come from,
you naturally become tolerant,
disinterested, amused,
kind-hearted as a grand- mother,
dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of the Tao,
you can deal with whatever life brings you,
and when death comes, you are ready.
(Tao Te Ching)

Su- Zhen and I are about to write a book together so I thought I could put together a little collection of quotes from the Tao. As I put different verses on paper I observed that I consciously left out all the ones that talk about death. I convinced myself that this is just because I have little to say about death given that I obviously haven't experienced it, but I also observed a feeling of fear. Death is something many of us just want to avoid.

I see a problem with spiritual writing. We always tell you the good stuff, the things you will see and experience when you are "there", but we tell you much less about how the transition to that state may feel like it. Some transitions are beautiful. You walk in a winter forest, you see the stars shining through and you suddenly have a vision of a Christmas tree. The sky opens up and it really seems like angels are singing. This is a Satori moment, a revelation of Heaven on earth  pretty much out of the blue. But then there is the other way, a realization of the beyond after an intense period of struggle. Eckhart Tolle described it in The Power of Now when he said that after a deep depression period he suddenly felt as if a veil had been lifted.

The spiritual community will tell you that struggle is always yours, while Heaven on earth is always of God. This is true but may not be so helpful. When you feel intense pain, reposition yourself because you must be overlooking something. God doesn't want you to struggle. There is another way out there; yet, also accept the fact that you are experiencing intense pain at the moment. Please don't sweep it under the carpet - it is there. Perhaps the analogy could be if we say - just as a nurse would tell a little boy - "Now that will hurt a little, but if you bear with me, you will see that everything is just fine", and takes off the band-aid in one go.

Going back to my earlier observation of death, of course we know what it feels like. If you truly open up to life you can experience the "I"dying so often. I will not tell you that it is a pleasant experience, but I can tell you that you have a choice in getting it done with without prolonging the pain. Spirituality is the art of seeing yourself outside of the "I" perspective and from that dimension death has a very different feel to it.

You Are Never Alone

She was an experienced world traveler, and enjoyed many contacts in high society. Most recently she had traveled to Spain and met with the economic experts of the Spanish president. Perhaps it was something she had eaten, perhaps it was a bug, but somehow through the meeting she felt like the energy was leaving her system. She kept her questions brief and on the way out asked if she could use the rest-room. Walking towards it she fainted and when she woke up she was in a state of the art hospital.  An friendly nurse took all her vital signs and when, somewhat embarrassed, she wanted to leave in a hurry, the nurse said to her, "Just relax, we are so happy that we can help. We are the medical sport staff of the president, but the president never gets sick."

At some point of our life we all have to face the fact that we are not immortal. In adverse circumstances we can be  as fragile as a rose. So we all have to deal with disease, aging and death. When this insight hits, we will naturally feel powerless, insecure and vulnerable. Worse, when we have to deal with these situations we feel alone,  while the rest of the world seems to be having fun.  We all need to experience these emotions alone and then see whether we can consequently gain our strength from within to deal with it.  However rich we are, however powerful, however enlightened or wise, we all have to face sickness, decay and death.  Yet in all that negative stuff we probably discover unexpected kindness as well, just as our seasoned traveler discovered on her trip to Spain. Every period of struggle will probably also bring a deeper understanding of what others go through and help will show up from unexpected places. A Tao traveler knows that in fortune as well as failure, pleasure as well as pain, we are connected. We also know that every experience is something to be open to.

Whether we are all one as they say is something you will have to find out for yourself. In a sense that is what Taoism is all about, looking for the connections amongst your so-called enemies as well as your friends, in sickness as in health. Venture out of your comfort zone and see what you find. With every  experience, you broaden your heart and expand your focus, and you probably find something you want to share with this world. It is said that Steve Jobs last words before life left him were "Of Wow, oh wow, oh wow ...". Perhaps he was hallucinating, perhaps he saw divinity even in his last breath. One day we will know ourselves, but until then let's enjoy our experiences and connectedness.

Maybe you can send this note to a friend ...

By Christian and Su Zhen

Suffering

I pray that you never, never, never get over this sorrow, but through it, into the very heart of God.
(Forbes Robertson)

Whether you are a spiritual traveler or not, suffering is part of life. Perhaps we Tao travelers have an edge with many of the self-imposed ego struggles, the desire to get stuff, the hunger for the gold that glitters on the horizon and, no matter how hard we run, always will be. But then, when we learn that our friend has cancer we are as devastated as everyone else; perhaps even more. So while we may be able to help you with the ego stuff, we can't really help you with the other pain that life brings your way. Still, we want to remind you that this pain too  has a spiritual purpose, hard though as it might be to believe at first.

 If your ego wants stuff but somehow life seems to have a different plan, you may be able to overcome your struggle by realizing that your ego is on a trip of its own and will never make you happy. You feel a pain inside when you see someone who is better off than you: a bigger house, a stunning body, a life partner to die for, professional success, or the  Harvard education you aspire for your children. Even we spiritual folks might mind if someone else is "enlighted" while we are not, or write spiritual bestseller while nobody reads our stuff.  So the  pain of wanting may always be there but one day you may also realize that this cry for specialness will never lead to happiness. You see for yourself that those who supposedly have it all are also not happier than you, no matter how much they may pretend. Often you find that they are even unhappy despite supposedly having it all. With this realization also comes the recognition that you are always loved and taken care of. And this is when true happiness starts.

So far so good, but what about the other pain? You find one lump in some part of your body.  Before going to see a doctor and finding out what it is, your mind is already made up that it must mean the worst.  You can't sleep and eat well for days and you got grey hair independent of what the medical diagnosis might turn out to be. This is the kind of suffering which is created by the demands of your soul; this is your fate so to speak. It could be anything, like the death of someone who is near and dear to you, a devastating career set-back, or any disability in the family.  This kind of suffering looks like punishment at first sight but eventually you will recognize the silver lining on the horizon.  When you are able to face and deal with the shock, the strength in you is rising.

All these events have a special purpose for your soul development. As your tears  dry see how your Self is shining through. This world is fleeting and these painful events will remind you of this fact. See how the  love, wisdom, compassion and passion for the present moment grows in you as you graduate to the next spiritual level. When you study "wise" people you recognize that those are not the ones who are the most intelligent, or the ones who meditate the longest or read the most books. Wisdom comes from opening up to life no matter whether it is pleasurable or painful.Tragedies help you understand that Heaven on earth is right in front of you, here and now.

 So is there really suffering in your life?  What do you think?

By Christian and Su Zhen

On Being Certain

Sri Ramakrishna, the sage of  Dakshineswar, used to say that there is one instant when God laughs at the naïveté of us humans and that is when a doctor promises the worried mother of a sick child that everything will be just fine. We just don't know what turn the events in our life will take. Similarly, as a spiritual path traveler, I would never have the audacity to tell anyone that we can predict anything. (The irony being that in my professional life it is my job to forecast events and markets.) The one promise I would have for you though, if you are connected to the Tao, you have the right to know why these things are happening to you. Our spiritual journey is one of giving meaning to the world we experience. Even death has a meaning, especially when you recognize the same soul in the eyes of a little child years later.