Suffering

I pray that you never, never, never get over this sorrow, but through it, into the very heart of God.
(Forbes Robertson)

Whether you are a spiritual traveler or not, suffering is part of life. Perhaps we Tao travelers have an edge with many of the self-imposed ego struggles, the desire to get stuff, the hunger for the gold that glitters on the horizon and, no matter how hard we run, always will be. But then, when we learn that our friend has cancer we are as devastated as everyone else; perhaps even more. So while we may be able to help you with the ego stuff, we can't really help you with the other pain that life brings your way. Still, we want to remind you that this pain too  has a spiritual purpose, hard though as it might be to believe at first.

 If your ego wants stuff but somehow life seems to have a different plan, you may be able to overcome your struggle by realizing that your ego is on a trip of its own and will never make you happy. You feel a pain inside when you see someone who is better off than you: a bigger house, a stunning body, a life partner to die for, professional success, or the  Harvard education you aspire for your children. Even we spiritual folks might mind if someone else is "enlighted" while we are not, or write spiritual bestseller while nobody reads our stuff.  So the  pain of wanting may always be there but one day you may also realize that this cry for specialness will never lead to happiness. You see for yourself that those who supposedly have it all are also not happier than you, no matter how much they may pretend. Often you find that they are even unhappy despite supposedly having it all. With this realization also comes the recognition that you are always loved and taken care of. And this is when true happiness starts.

So far so good, but what about the other pain? You find one lump in some part of your body.  Before going to see a doctor and finding out what it is, your mind is already made up that it must mean the worst.  You can't sleep and eat well for days and you got grey hair independent of what the medical diagnosis might turn out to be. This is the kind of suffering which is created by the demands of your soul; this is your fate so to speak. It could be anything, like the death of someone who is near and dear to you, a devastating career set-back, or any disability in the family.  This kind of suffering looks like punishment at first sight but eventually you will recognize the silver lining on the horizon.  When you are able to face and deal with the shock, the strength in you is rising.

All these events have a special purpose for your soul development. As your tears  dry see how your Self is shining through. This world is fleeting and these painful events will remind you of this fact. See how the  love, wisdom, compassion and passion for the present moment grows in you as you graduate to the next spiritual level. When you study "wise" people you recognize that those are not the ones who are the most intelligent, or the ones who meditate the longest or read the most books. Wisdom comes from opening up to life no matter whether it is pleasurable or painful.Tragedies help you understand that Heaven on earth is right in front of you, here and now.

 So is there really suffering in your life?  What do you think?

By Christian and Su Zhen

The Cancerous Force

The Course in Miracles claims that there is a cancerous drive in you - the ego - that is on collision course with God and that afterwards beats you up over it. The question is, can you observe this force in you? You might have seen a few select people where this force is so out in the open that it actually becomes visible, but for most of us, this force is hidden inside, that is, if the conjecture of the Course in Miracles is the right one and it indeed exits. In my experience it does, but you may have to do a little digging before it becomes visible.

One area where this cancerous force comes out of hiding is the painful journey towards addiction. Gambling, sex, alcohol or drugs, you name it, the paths all tend to be quite similar. It is a journey into bondage where at one point Mr. Hyde gets the upper hand and Dr. Jekyll has to watch helplessly how the 'you' takes one step after the other down the path of destruction. With an addiction, the cancerous force is out in the open and you, and soon everyone else, can see it very clearly. Every further step towards it and its grip tightens, every step in the opposite direction, difficult though it may be, and you realize that you get your freedom back. Fighting addiction is like a cancer treatment. You throw everything you got at it to turn the car around, and you actually weaken the 'you' in the interim before you slowly get your old self back.

Dear reader, this is an advanced course as you probably have figured out by now.It's not about having a pleasant life with a few mystic powers attached, our spiritual path is about getting our freedom back. The average person may be lucky enough not to face this cancerous force, but you will. If the conjecture of the Course of Miracle is correct and deep inside of you hides a force that wants to prevent you from going home, you will have to encounter it as you remove layer after layer of your personality blanket. On the way to your core you will meet it. In my experience it is nothing to be afraid of, you just have to be willing to look. You probably have already a hunch in which area of your personality structure it will be hiding. Buddha faced sex and Jesus faced power as their last temptation before the final curtain lifted; what will be your temptation?

I don't know what will happen to the force once you look at it and decide to move on despite it's calling. Will the cancer just be in remission, or will it shrink into nothing?  In the same vein as a recovered addict knows that the temptation to go back is always present, but chooses to walk along the road towards freedom instead.

Self-Mutulation

We all know about cancer, this strange disease that is literally and symbolically an attack on yourself. When your mind chatters on, are you attacking yourself in the process? Those who have tried monitoring the voices in their head would probably say yes. The hard thing though, we feel like the voice in our head is us in the same vein as the cancerous cells also belong to us.

I happen to have sensitive teeth and often feel the urge to 'hammer' with my tongue a particulate area where a crown feels a little too tight. This feeling doesn't exist in the morning, but gets more intensive in the evening. When I do mediative breathing the irritating feeling disappears. At one point I just figured that my cancerous mental frame and my tooth ache are actually connected. Feeling my teeth helps me to center myself again, while it is harder to detect when the voice in your head takes a turn for the worse.

A similar episode happened years ago when I realized during golf lessons that I couldn't stand up-right. At the driving range, instead of practicing my swing, I literally used most of my energy on keeping my posture straight. For years now I have taken my posture as a symbol for, well, righteousness. Align everything you say and do with your spiritual path, I told myself, and you will be able to walk straight. My posture has become much better over the years, but there is still effort involved.

Being on a spiritual path doesn't insulate you from physical problems, but it does allow you to look out for symbols and respond. You know the sad fact on cancer, if you detect it late, the recovery chances are much worse. A spiritual path is about fine tuning and reacting to imbalances as they develop.

Cancer of the Mind

It is not unusual to have cancer cells, many never develop into anything. But then, as we all know, there are the vicious ones that just take off. Unless you get them under control they will kill you. Age is a contributing factor too. Rarely do children get this disease, but unfortunately this happens as well. The older we get, the higher the chances that we develop this disease somewhere.

Could it be that we have a very similar struggle going on in our mind? Anybody who knows J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Ring will probably understand the concept. Something that obsesses you, and you run after until it eats you alive. The only rescue is to make the conscious choice to turn your head and body away from it, and find a way to lock the evil force in a secure box and throw away the key.

This evil force is the part of your personality, often referred to as ego, that leads you astray from your home. The more consciousness you put on it, the more it tightens its grip over you. It is addictive and instills in you the desire to numb your feelings since you are instinctively aware that you are on a road away from love to nowhere. Sometimes, but rarely, do you see this disease already in children. Most of the time this personality trait takes off as you reach middle age in response to your frustrations, unfulfilled aspirations and suppressed desires.

But then, most people are multi-dimensional and life is complex enough that the disease just lingers. As you reach old age, some issues can be worked out, sometimes you just get sick and tired of what you run after, so you decide to move on in a different, much healthier direction. Those are the cancer cells that just linger and never develop into anything.

So what or who do I have in mind? Well, you can fill in the blanks, the cancer can take on any issue you want it to. The businessman who puts his soul into moving ahead. The stay-at-home-mom who puts her self into the educational success of her daughter, the spiritual writer who needs to make it to the top 10 bestseller list on Amazon, I think you can fill in the blanks, and most importantly, your own cravings.