Don't Shoot the Messenger

A compulsive habit is nothing but a message that you send to yourself that something is somehow off. You certainly don't help yourself if you attack yourself over it, or that you bemoan your lack of will-power, or your irrationality. Instead, ask yourself what exactly triggered your reaction? And what can you do differently next time around? 

Consider this example that Caroline Knapp quotes in her book, Appetites - Why Women Want: "Not long ago I heard a story about a woman who went to visit her mother for a weekend. Their relationship was, and still is, stormy and complicated, but she got through it with relative serenity - counted to ten under her breath a lot, recounted like mantras lesson learned in decades of therapy, kept her cool. But then, on her way to the airport, this grown, self-aware woman - a paragon of reason and maturity - was overcome with the compulsion to pull her rental car into the parking lot of a 7-Eleven, walk in, and steal a bottle of water. She could not resist; she snagged eight ounces of Evian and fled, embarrassed and confused."

What would you do if you were in her shoes? Along a spiritual path we want to understand why we react the way we do. Fact of the matter is that all of us carry pain bodies around and particular circumstances and people can trigger them for us, which in turn is quite painful. So the compulsive action is nothing but an instinctive reaction to run away from or rebel against these aroused painful memories. 

So we would be asking ourselves what exactly we could do to deal with that shattered self, and we would face our mother next time around with even more commitment to heal our relationship and our past somehow. Perhaps we would use less escape mechanisms when we deal with her, and would take in the pain just as it hits us. Maybe, just maybe we would figure out a thing or two about ourself with every visit. And if in this process and we end up stealing a few more bottles of water or candy bars to get to this point, so be it. 

Shadow work is all about identifying what unresolved issues we have and how we can reposition ourself to do things a little differently next time around. Whatever you do to heal the past, please don't shoot the messenger.

Just Say Om

Feelings are much like waves; you can't stop them, but you can decide which one to ride. (Unknown)

The so-called ego is really an energy field; it wraps itself around our unique personality structure and helps us to express the longings of our soul. The opportunity though, there comes a time when you wake up to the fact that a feeling and a thought is just an energy wave; it doesn't have to be part of you. 

Caroline Knapp in her book, "Appetites - Why Women Want", described one such tsunami wave that may have battered her system on a bad day: "I hate my body, I hate my thighs, I ate too much. I can't believe I spent so much money. I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I shouldn't have said that. I am such an idiot. I am such a piece of shit!" That is the yin version of the cancerous ego drive. Yin is the energy that goes inwards, the submission, the sacrifices, the anger directed against oneself. You can hear it in Caroline Knapp's outburst; she wants to be attractive, slim, smart, economical, only to find that she somehow can't have what she wants. 

The yin aspect of the ego madness is quite relevant for us spiritual travelers. We want to be holy and we are willing to suffer, to be trampled on in the name of spirituality. Unfortunately, submission and sacrifice always implies subconsciously, and sometimes openly, hostility against others: how dare they have what we are unwilling to grant ourselves? The yang version of the ego drive we also know well. The desire to conquer, to take, to step on other people's toes. Neither energy form is part of the Way. Whenever we ride any of these energy waves, be they incoming or outgoing, we deviate from our Self.

So what exactly can we do? It is not that hard really, just become a seasoned surfer in the ocean called life. Friends always surround us. They are here to lift us up when we beat ourselves up and remind us of who we truly are. Friends and family are also there in the other side, when we are tempted to abuse others, blinded by our greed, aggression or fears. Life is beautiful this way. The solution that works for everyone, your Self included, is always just around the corner. Seize the moment and don't forget to just say "Om" at times, whenever one of these energy waves wants to take you on another wild-goose's chase.

Seeing Life as Is

You often can't really change how you feel about life. You may consider yourself fat even though your husband says you look so sexy, or you may feel under-appreciated at work even though objectively you are doing just fine. What you can try to do though, you can try to compensate in your actions the way you perceive things. So even if you view yourself as a mouse, you can nevertheless roar like a lion whenever life demands it. You do that because a higher authority tells you that is who you truly are.

You can disregard the voice in your head or the feelings you experience in order to reach the reality that truly reflects your Self. Say you are greedy but you don't act on it because your consciousness tells you to. Say your mind says, "get that promotion at any cost", yet your conscience tells you not to take advantage of others. Or say your body begs, "conquer that attractive woman", yet your heart tells you not to cheat on your soul-mate.

Caroline Knapp describes in Appetites the yin version of deviating from the Self. If greed is the yang energy that wants to conquer, indulge and take over, anorexia is the exact opposite. It is the desire to shrink physically; the need to punish the body for some psychological reason. The problem statement is one of perception, anorexic people perceive their body different from reality. They see fat where there objectively is none. Caroline Knapp eventually healed herself from this disease by forcing herself to eat against her will. The question is, can you in fact reprogram your way of seeing when you look into the mirror? 

Affirmations are the conscious attempt to bring the self closer to the Self. The way to heal greed is to acknowledge that what you have is in fact awesome. Sheryl Crow puts it well in Soak Up the Sun, "It is not about having what you want, it's wanting what you have got." You can learn to discover that. Just open your eyes, life will teach you to see the world with new eyes. Step outside of your head and fall in love with life and you will experience reality quiet differently. You will discover a stunningly attractive woman where you saw only fat thighs in your mirror before. You suddenly meet a well-meaning friend or a colleague who is struggling colleague where you perceived a ruthless competitor only yesterday.

Spirituality is the art of engaging and falling in love with what is. The voice in your head or some unpleasant sensations may still exist but they increasingly fall short in the new reality that you perceive. Use affirmations to override your interferences, understand where cravings, desires or fears come from, but most importantly, just show up every day and let this world teach you who you truly are and what really is going on. Discover yourSelf in the mirror as well as the real world.

Abundance

Caroline Knapp was an anorexia and put her struggles down in the book Appetites. She actually started her story with an observation of Renoir's paintings, and the fact that many women he drew were quite chubby, a symbol of lust, power and abundance. She never allowed herself that privilege and instead starved and punished herself. In her words, "I would make myself small, fragile, and non-threatening". When she psychologically analyzed herself she figured that she punished herself for the problems of her parents. She became a mirror of their unresolved struggles.

Princess Diana had a different eating disorder, bulimia. When she came out admitting her affliction,she said that during her eating binges she temporarily felt the feeling of fulfillment that is missing in her life. Diana replaced the missing love from her husband with food!
Amazingly, both women knew the root cause of their afflictions, yet how hard is was for both of them to change course.

It is not hard to see that the feeling of abundance would have helped both women. The affirmation that they already have: for Caroline, who had an superb intellect and a giant heart, the right to display all with a full figure, thus stepping out of her parent's shadow for once and for all. For Princess Diana, the realization that she had the love of her children and England; all she had to do was to end her love-less marriage.

What is your perceived area of insecurity? Are you pressed for time, do you mind something about your body; is something missing in your job or your love life? Remind yourself of the abundance of the universe. If the almost infinite universe accelerates with increasing speed, as some researchers claim, do you really believe there is something God is not willing or able to give you? Believe in abundance and peace will be yours.

Commitment

Caroline Knapp in her anorexia memoir "Appetites" describes the story of two women who struggled with their lives until one day they both found peace. One woman overcame her food addiction by channeling her love and purpose towards her love for God and became a minister, the other woman finally managed to end a loveless marriage and found her purpose by adopting a baby from China.

Traveling a spiritual path is exactly that, the realization that there is a purpose in life; some projects or some people who help you define who you really are. You build something with love rather than being driven by your restlessness, your artificial aspirations and your fears. Once you are committed to something that truly matters to you, your spiritual path will show you the journey that lies ahead to get your mission realized. Find the "baby" that is the source of all your energy, creativity and will-power and life will be happy to dance with you.

Walking a spiritual path doesn't mean though that you will not encounter monsters of your own making on this road as well. The fear that someone could be out to get you, the possibility that you are not good enough, or don't have the energy to get the job done. The minister in Caroline Knapp's example may face struggles in her new chosen profession as a minister, just as the new mother will probably have her realization how difficult it can be to raise a child as a single mother. Yet, these missions are real and they are creative in nature. Once you have the will-power to get something meaningful done every wall will crumble under your pressure.

Every problem that comes our way is a monster of our own making. Once we have the commitment for a mission in life solutions will present themselves. That is the Way. How about that as a New Year's Resolution, find the "field of dreams" in your life and stick to it. The Tao will do the rest.