With or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
(U2, With or Without You)

When the psychologist Carl Gustav Jung went to high school he was incredibly poor, while most of his fellow students were quite well off. He was also introverted and was considered an oddball. One day someone pushed him out of the blue onto the cobbler stones and Jung bumped his head. As he was lying on the floor, slipping in and out of consciousness, he realized what an incredibly relieving feeling this was. From that day on he used fainting spells as a way to escape from things he was afraid off until the day when his father, who he considered weak, complained about it. From that day on he pulled himself together and overcame all his fears with pure willpower.

I read this story about Jung in Gary Lachman's excellent book "Jung the Mystic" and it made a deep impression on me. Of course, the way the big guys separate themselves from the ordinary folks is that willpower makes them accomplish what they feel is theirs; they "feel the fear and do it anyway", as Susan Jeffers demands in her same-titled book. Yet what exactly makes the big guys successful? Well, it is the drives in them, the unsolved conflicts, the tensions that have to be released for otherwise they would explode. Often successful people are really miserable deep down inside. It is this tension that makes them a lion.

The spiritual community has a problem. We be believe that Heaven on earth is a right that is ours to take. Certainly, Heaven on earth was created just for you,  but first of all you have a job to do. Accept the tension inside, don't wish it way. Accept the twist of fate, the thorn in your side and understand that your drive, your passion and your creativity depends on them. Dance with your driving force, and accept for a while that you can't live with or without it. Perhaps one fine day the tension will magically resolve itself, or perhaps it never will. But this tension, this darkness that you are afraid of in fact makes you the person you were born to be.

The Evolution of Consciousness

A vicious bug got me and I ended up lying in bed yesterday, drifting in and out of sleep. I realized then that my consciousness was at a point similar to the state of deep meditation, or as you would experience it during an orgasmic climax. Somehow you are present while experiencing your connection to a higher force at the same time.

Gary Lachman presented a theory that in the olden days we always had that level of connectedness with the 'beyond' in 'A Secret History of Consciousness'. This makes a lot of sense to me. In our journey of spiritual evolution we apparently travel along a circle. Transcending in our initial state from the animal consciousness to experiencing our existence as a separate 'I', only to evolve back into a web of oneness.

Why do you think addictions are so rampant? It is the desire to return back to the state of orgasmic bliss with artificial means. The price you pay is simple, you are hijacking the neural pathways of your conscious brain, only to find that your pleasure center gets numb in the process and you need to intensify whatever it is that gets you high all the times to experience a similar joy ride. Meanwhile, the state without artificial means gets harder and harder to tolerate.

The spiritual alternative is ever higher awareness and eventually transcendence of the 'I' with help of meditation or by simply by observing that you and the environment that you operate in are in fact one. At the end of the ancient journey there is only bliss and connectedness whatever your circumstances. Isn't it amazing that even a simple flu can get you that insight?

A Clean Conscience

When you come home each day from a hard day of work or study, why do you think you are mentally so exhausted? Perhaps it is not the hard work per se but the way how you have spent your psychic energy; torn by your conflicting desires, your fears, your ambitions and worries. I have a hunch that a spiritual path traveler has an advantage over the ordinary folks in this direction since the further down the road you travel, the less you have to decide and even to do. Over and over you decide for love, for compassion and against your own personal agenda until at one point your subconscious gets it and with every 'automatic' choice your psychic energy is no longer being drained. You also trust that whatever the Tao throws your way is important and meaningful in its own way, so sooner or later the worries and fears start disappearing. "Be ye as little children" says the bible. Yes, children are tired when they go to bed, but their psychic energies haven't been drained. That is why you only see adults with alcohol in front of the television or the Internet; the zombie state happens when your psychic energy is gone.

There are interesting psychological experiments that state that simply thinking about stabbing a coworker in the back leaves people more inclined to buy soap, disinfectant or detergent. The point is that your system absorbs every mental conflict and anguish. If you want to have access to 100 % of your psychic energy, you need to have a perfectly clean conscience. Spiritual path travelers who manage to become as little children have a shot at that. Gary Lachman presented a weird hypothesis about our ancestors in "A Secret History of Consciousness", what, he asks, if they always heard a voice in their head telling them what to do. There can be no conflict of interest if you always have a straight line to your personal God. While I have little to say about that theory, but it did strike me when I read his book that the Tao traveler intuitively ends up in a similar state. You just follow clues, sooner or later all choices along your path are just obvious. With a clean conscious you can lighten up on cleaning products, alcohol and media. Perhaps you have even the energy to play with your children tonight.

Seeing, Feeling and Hearing the Tao

Gary Lachman presented an interesting idea in 'A Secret History of Consciousness': what if in the olden days our ancestors heard voices in their head of what to do. No choices are necessary in this world since a higher authority commands you what your next step should be. You will probably not be very impressed given that we consider ourselves free these days and don't want to be enslaved by a voice in our head! I was intrigued nevertheless since I perceive a Tao master as a full circle back to this old world. If you are on the Tao you just see a red line on the path and you follow it. There is little choice necessary because you just know this one is the one that works for everyone and you in particular. What is there to choose? When you talk to people, you have no agenda you are just dancing with them and are waiting for the next cue that is meaningful to you. Like an athlete you just react instinctively to events because they happen way too fast to process them on a conscious level. Feel the energy and go with it, there is little else to do and enjoy. Today everyone may no longer be able to hear the Tao, but you can definitely learn to see and feel the Way!