The Four Cs of Love

Sex is the human counterpart of the cosmic process.

(Chinese Proverb)

I was texting a friend the other day and was explaining my spiritual concept of the 3 Cs: care, creation and connection when I saw an object flashing on my phone. Anyone who has texted with an iPhone knows how Apple puts the texts of the conversation partners in different colors and also puts little bubbles around the text. The object that I saw appearing on screen had the form of a penis and given that I was just talking about the 3Cs, the slang version of it crossed my mind. I thought this must be my shadow talking but then lost track of the whole thing as our conversation progressed.

Later that afternoon I read Rollo May's "Love and Will" and in it he discussed the four different concepts of love: sex - libido, devotion to others - caritas, creation - eros, and brotherly love - philia. Immediately my mind went back to my morning conversation. Wasn't that exactly what the 3Cs were about? But what about sex? Was my Freudian Slip just a wake-up call that I had forgotten the physical expression of love?

That's indeed how a shadow works. It reminds you that something is missing in a language that seems a little offish. But the intention is a good one. Yes, sex is a perfect expression of love and it needs to be added as the fourth dimension of love. So the four concepts of love are coitus, care, creation and connection. Actually, the expression coitus is perfect. It means "going together" in Latin - that's something we spiritual travelers can definitely relate to; we always welcome co-travelers along the Way!

The Retirement of Retirement

You have the right to work Arjun, but never to the fruit of work. You should never engage in action for the sake of reward, nor should you long for inaction.
(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita)

A colleague told me other day a story of a fairly successful CEO who retired at the age of 65 and afterwards fell into a big hole of darkness. I can understand why; it is hard to accept if you go from being at the top of the world to apparent "nothingness". Sure, most rich people have the means to hide this transition fairly well. Fancy vacations, club memberships, perhaps even displaying their "trophy wives" in social gatherings but eventually all that is meaningless. Only one thing gives you true happiness, meaning, connectedness and love!

If there is a promise of the Creator it is that meaningful work is yours to choose if only you are willing to go the distance. The rewards the Creator can't promise to you since these are your desires. But as we all know, whenever we put our heart and your soul into something, a few crumbs will come our way. So let's focus our attention to the creative outlets, the connectedness with others and the love for what you do instead and chances are, we will be just fine.

Everyone should always have an eye on the next creative outlet. It is a nice feeling to be at the top of your game and perhaps at the peak of your earning power. Think about passing that golden goose on to someone while you already work on your next endeavor. Sure, there may be a time when you finally settle down with a person you love and really do retire for good. You will know when this point is reached, but until then have fun creating, connecting and caring for what you do!

Waiting for Love

Peace will gently extend from deep inside yourself and will embrace your environment as well.

The memory of God comes to the quiet mind.

There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent.
(A Course in Miracles)

When she was little, she was always waiting for the mail. What exactly she was waiting for, she didn't know, but she knew it was important though. Perhaps someone would send her an important letter, so she kept on waiting day in, day out. Yes, occasionally she did get a few letters, but her happiness didn't last long. Soon she would be checking the mailbox for new arrivals. Perhaps she was happiest when several boys were courting her. She got love letters almost every day. However, after she got married these letters disappeared.  Nonetheless, she was still checking the mailbox every day.

 As time went by, no one was sending letters anymore.  Instead, email got popular.  She checked her e-mail box several times a day to make sure she didn’t miss anything. But most of the time  she was disappointed. There was so much junk that was sent to her. She didn't realize it then, but she was almost acting like a beggar looking for food. Why did she  have that craving? What exactly was her anxiety about? Was was she looking for?

 When Facebook came into her life, the situation was getting even worse.  Every hour, she checked out her account especially after she had posted some updates on her page.  Anxiously, she was checking to see if anyone had responded to her posts.  She was so occupied by the social media that she even skipped meals without even realizing. Sometimes she lost her sleep over checking her pages. One day a  friend asked her, why are you acting so restlessly? This was a breakthrough of sorts for her. No one had ever described her as restless. She was always known for being quiet and peaceful. But yes, all the evidence was pointing in this direction. She was craving love and attention. When this insight came to her she felt peaceful for the first time in a long while. That night she slept like a baby.

Perhaps this theme will resonate with you, either because you are addicted to social media as well, or just by recognizing this restlessness in other areas of your life. We have the same craving for success, for knowledge, for being considered attractive, for food, for sex, and so much more. Nothing you can ever do or get will ever satisfy this craving. The woman in our example was always surrounded by love, the love of her parents, her friends, her husband, her children; but their attention and love was just not quite enough; there must be more to life, is there? Well yes, there is. The ego substitutes our birthright for our divine connection with the craving for external pleasures. Peace and love is always at our disposal, but we look in the wrong places. Quiet down, recognize the restlessness inside of you and discover that incredible peace and love as you open the treasure chest deep inside of you. May peace be with you!

By Christian and Su Zhen

Connecting With Love

The ego is quite literally a fearful thought.
A Course in Miracles

An old friend from Beijing was visiting Su Zhen. As she stood there at the airport she noticed a trace of nervousness. So why on earth was she nervous? As she monitored her thoughts she observed that they centered around the appearance of her house, the way how the kids look these days, what kind of meal she had prepared, etc. So she realized that moment that it was all about her and not her friend, or rather, that she worried about how her friend would perceive her. Where is the love in that? But when her thoughts moved to her friend instead, out of a sudden the well-familiar feeling of love overcame her.

Do you realize the insanity of what was going on here? When you interact with people you only think that you care about the other person. When you monitor your thoughts carefully you realize that you often care more about your image. And this is why most of people get anxious when they are with other people. Instead of truly connecting with them they have a mental filter standing between them. This is why real connections are rare. Two people get together physically but mentally they are still alone. If you want to feel less lonely, drop the filter.

Real connections imply that you open yourself to the other without fear and without any hidden agenda. The Tao will show you how to accomplish this feat. You may say that this may work out with an old friend but this is impossible to accomplish in a business setting. This is not so. The Tao will only connect you with people who give you the opportunity to heal your environment. There is nothing to be afraid off if you always put your best foot forward. Let the Tao show you that you can connect with love in any setting. In all cases there is a little work involved, a little back and forth, but all the work is in the end geared towards letting go of the filter. With your openness and receptiveness realize that you are one with everyone and everything. Practice this idea with us for a few years and discover for yourself that your old notions of friends and foes will have become meaningless. Wherever you look there is always another opportunity to connect with love.

By Christian and Su Zhen

The Connected Islands

I saw Su-Zhen's note below in my inbox this morning and her theme reminded me of a painting I had seen displayed at my work the day before. The artist showed little islands in a bay to express the idea that we are all lonely and have separate existences from each other. When I looked at it I thought to myself that, yes, this is a perspective one could have. Another perspective is to say that we could build a dam 100 meters out into the sea, drain the water and all we will ever see is that there are some hills, beautifully connected by grass and sand dunes. Love and connections are sometimes hard to find in some stages of our lives, but if you really devote your life to it, you will experience the world Su-Zhen is describing so elegantly below.

Most of our suffering comes from the illusion that we are separated from others, from the Tao, from God. We think that we are seperated individuals, that we have to find our own niches, have to make a living and a name for ourselves. We think we need to work hard to survive, get status, work on ourselves or otherwise no one will love us.

The truth is that we are never alone, we are never separated from each other, the Tao or God. We are always loved, accepted, respected, and needed by theTao just the way we are. The Tao creates us this way because we have a mission. We are already perfect.The world will never be the same if one of us is missing. Our struggle, anxiety, depession all comes from the illusion that we are not accepted. In fact, theTao accepts us with all Her Being. Only the ego has misplaced opinions about who we should be. As a seperated individual, you work on your own; you don't trust the others. But what if you find out that there is always someone guiding you, protecting you and loving you; will you not ignore the callings of your ego and follow this Source?

There is endless wisdom, energy, love, and magic waiting for you to join in. All you need to do is to drop your ego and recognize that you are part of this magnificent Force. All you need will be given to you if you trust that it is the case. The Law of Attraction folks are definitely onto something important. Just tell the Tao what you need and you will see your desire fulfilled in a way that is even better than you can imagine. There are a couple of requirements though: you have to be able to relax and follow the flow and you have to be able to recognize love in all its shapes and forms. Trust and surrender and the Tao will be with you always.

By Su-Zhen

The Evolution of Consciousness

A vicious bug got me and I ended up lying in bed yesterday, drifting in and out of sleep. I realized then that my consciousness was at a point similar to the state of deep meditation, or as you would experience it during an orgasmic climax. Somehow you are present while experiencing your connection to a higher force at the same time.

Gary Lachman presented a theory that in the olden days we always had that level of connectedness with the 'beyond' in 'A Secret History of Consciousness'. This makes a lot of sense to me. In our journey of spiritual evolution we apparently travel along a circle. Transcending in our initial state from the animal consciousness to experiencing our existence as a separate 'I', only to evolve back into a web of oneness.

Why do you think addictions are so rampant? It is the desire to return back to the state of orgasmic bliss with artificial means. The price you pay is simple, you are hijacking the neural pathways of your conscious brain, only to find that your pleasure center gets numb in the process and you need to intensify whatever it is that gets you high all the times to experience a similar joy ride. Meanwhile, the state without artificial means gets harder and harder to tolerate.

The spiritual alternative is ever higher awareness and eventually transcendence of the 'I' with help of meditation or by simply by observing that you and the environment that you operate in are in fact one. At the end of the ancient journey there is only bliss and connectedness whatever your circumstances. Isn't it amazing that even a simple flu can get you that insight?

Let Go of Your Agenda

Have you met driven people who somehow always exude an agenda when you meet them? How boring and predictable they tend to be, even annoying at times. True creativity only happens here and now. When two or more people get together spontaneously and let the interpersonal magic unfold. 

When you catch yourself anticipating a conversation, perhaps even minting the words that you want to use, know that you are waisting your time. The here and now is holy, as holy as the soul sibling you are just about to meet. Let go of your agenda and be in for a surprise because true creativity will be born in front of your astonished eyes.

Moments of Creativity

Yesterday I was typing something in my personal notebook and my word processor did what it always does, it changed a word as I was typing and out came, after a little editing,  Michelangelo's David sculpture. Wow, it was a little creative jump from what I was writing, but I could see the connection very clearly and this direction was so much more meaningful than the one I had in mind. This is the Tao in action. When it happens you just feel the connection and the creativity of the beyond. You probably will say that this 'synchronicity' is nothing but a coincidence and my imagination and I will respond, well it would be if there weren't countless magical moments like this one in a day. You will have to try for yourself.

Unfortunately it takes a while to get to this stage. The transition period from the 'normal' life to this stage of creativity can unfortunately be a little confusing since you constantly question your sanity in the process. Have some fun with it. If there really is a Tao out there That wants to guide you, you will receive plenty of signals along the way. Enjoy your new-found creativity.