Resolving Conflicts Along the Way

Kerry Spackman presented a great idea in his book, 'The Winner's Bible': why don't we put everything that really matters to us in a book. His concept is presented in the Law of Attraction spirit arguing that we can get whatever we set our heart on as long as we visualize and believe it. I would recommend using his methodology a little differently. We spiritual travelers want to go Home, and along this path we have to solve many conflicts; the endless clashes of ego and spirit. I believe Kerry Spackman's methodology can be very helpful resolving these conflicts.

What conflicts have you discovered inside? Is there something that you want to get that your spiritual super-ego frowns on? Maybe you like sex but you discover that your partnership has lost some of its steam. Maybe you aspire to have beautiful luxury items but your low-paying job puts them out of your reach. And maybe you like climbing the corporate ladder but you find that someone is holding you back; and you mind that very much. And maybe you live like a monk would without realizing that you repress what is truly meaningful to you in the name of spirituality.

We in the spiritual community claim that love trumps the ego; we feel that compassion and consideration overpowers the 'me, myself and I' cry. The problem though, until we truly experience this paradigm for ourself, we will always fluctuate between what the ego wants and what our spiritual conscience tells us to do. Yet, the paradigm is true and once we discover oneness and love in everything we do, all conflicts are a thing of the past. 

Every conflict of interest is life's invite to find the Way. Being conflicted just means that we have to revise our life story a little. Never compromise on your mission to perceive love and oneness in every situation, but be open to revise some of your spiritual norms when you have to. When desires and our notion of holiness clash, maybe it is time to say no to our ego, or just maybe, it is an opportunity to revise our notion of holiness a little. Write down everything your heart desires, even if some goals clash. If something is meaningful, the Way will make it work for us. Our conflicts define our spiritual growth, set us up for transcendence and provide meaningful insights along the Way. Let the Tao write your life story without any conflicts and fulfilling for your soul.

Only the Inadequate is Productive

See the stone set in your eyes,
see the thorn twist in your side,
I'll wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate,
on a bed of nails she makes me wait.
And I wait without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore.
You gave it all but I want more
and I'm waiting for you.
With or without you,
with or without you,
I can't live with or without you.
(U2, With or Without You)

In the spiritual community we often have the ideal of love, peace and happiness, yet if we are willing to look beneath the hood, we perceive struggle as well. Discussing these struggles is complicated and sometimes counterproductive given that we all come from a different vantage point. Yet, while our struggles are idiosyncratic, there is an overriding theme that we all should be aware of: the pressure within often kick-starts the search for the complete, the perfect, the infinite. And for that we should be grateful for.

The German poet Goethe once said, "Only the inadequate is productive." Why do we talk and write so much in the spiritual community? Because we want this tension and conflict inside to be over with and we channel that conflicted energy into our search for God. We are literally on a healing mission. And if we truly understand where we coming from we have in fact a perfect opportunity of letting go today. We live in the best of all worlds. Our struggles are in fact perfect imperfections that catapult us on our journey Home. Our creative outlet is our mission; our struggle is the energy source for creation and the ability to let go.

When I looked for the U2 song that expresses that inner struggle quite well - "With or a Without You" - I came across The Joshua Tree Tour in 1987 in which Bono ended the song after a beautiful guitar solo with "Yeah, we'll shine like stars in the summer night. We'll shine like stars in the winter light; one heart, one hope, one love, with or without you." Well, that's it. Shine like a star! Reflect and magnify that tremendous energy that slumbers inside you. Honor your starting point,find your creative outlet and share your light with others. When the light is shining, the conflict is gone and peace, love and happiness are with you.

Conflicted

Attractive women have called him a "good man" on a number of occasions and mostly he smiles politely, but deep down inside there is a storm brewing when he hears that expression. His demon laughs heartedly because that's what he is has been trying to tell him for the longest time: "don't try to be good, make use of your good looks and have some steamy fun instead!"

There is a problem in our spiritual community and that is to state so confidently that it is our right and destiny to live in peace, love and happiness. Sure, if your notion of spirituality is to have a loving family, a creative job, a good standing in the community, with the occasional yoga and meditation class to ensure a healthy mind, body and soul balance, then there is every incentive in the world to just look the other way when it comes to these internal conflicts. Yet unless you deal with everything that is hidden in your psychological basement, true peace of mind will never be yours.

A spiritual mission is a full-contact sport to discover the robot inside and free yourself from it. Peace, love and happiness are by-products of this discovery. Pretty much everyone is trapped in conflicting mission statements that beg resolution: biological drives, ego's battle with the spirit, parental mission statements, soul demands and subconscious programs. It is hard work but it can be done, at least so we are told by some of the masters who claim they overcame the internal conflict of humanity and divinity.

A spiritual mission starts in earnest when you discover lies in your life and you say to yourself, "Hey, what's up, there must be another way!" There are so many "white" lies and you could look the other way just as you have done all your life. Yet, for some reason you
suddenly do mind and you start to ask questions and solutions present themselves. It turns out you are on the Way once you start looking for a new way. Ask for God's guidance earnestly and you will always get an answer.

One little qualifier though, if you strive to be a "better" person because you don't like what you see in the mirror you will always be caught in the duality of life. A spiritual path is not about striving, it is about break-through. It is about observing, understanding and transcending, and not really about "doing" anything. All you have to do is to be mindful of internal conflicts and about letting the Way help you find answers. It is about seeing the yin and yang at work and learning to dance with it. A conflicted person hears the demon speak and is devastated. A spiritual traveler perceives the conflict inside and smiles: another creative solution must be near-by.

Removing the a Needles Under the Skin

A spiritual path is really an advanced refinement of our nature. We are human yet we aspire to be divine. We act according to the better angels of our nature. We are nice, we are honest, we are truthful, we are loving, we are considerate and we look out for others in whatever we do.

Try being "spiritual" in all aspects of what this mission entails for you personally and then explore what side-effects come with it. To your surprise, the pressure inside maybe rising instead of falling; hidden aggression, restlessness, or disappointments. Perhaps you fall sick as your subconscious lets you know that you are in over your head.

There is only one requirement for walking a spiritual path and that is extreme honesty, otherwise you are likely to waste many years of a merry-go-around with "yourself". It is ok to have dark night episodes, it is ok to fall sick, it is ok to have disguised anger outburst or panic attacks. Only one thing is not ok, to brush the conflict aside as if it was a meaningless distraction. Every contradiction within, every missed step along the Way must be accepted with extreme sincerity. The 85 percent of the time spent with a spiritual mindset is still not the "you" that you are running after. Find a way of bringing 100 percent of a yet to be discovered "you" along.

If you live your spiritual path and the imbalances are rising, adjust something. Experiment and see what works for you. Have a second look at so-called taboo activities or self-imposed limitations. Find a way to make the stuff that attracts you spiritually kosher. Or understand why some needles seem to hide beneath your skin and there is little you can do about it. Yet, suffering is meaningless. Understanding brings transcendence. The battle of humanity and divinity always has a resolution in store for you. But you have to be willing to look first!

If you walk your spiritual path it is fairly natural that a dark side pops out somewhere; ask for the authentic needs that the demon has in store for you: more power, more wealth, more sex, more connections. You figure out what it is that you aren't granting to yourself in the name of spirituality. Don't just sit there! Do something about the conflict and find a way to live with yourself!

Being a spiritual traveler is a full contact sport. It is a soul searching and a transformative event. You are about to change but not just as your mind thinks, but also as your body feels. When you are done exploring you are an expert at seeing, an expert at perceiving, you are in tune with your feelings and you will think what your "system" knows anyway. Your mind is still, your body and soul are at peace and the needle in the haystack has finally been found.

With or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
(U2, With or Without You)

When the psychologist Carl Gustav Jung went to high school he was incredibly poor, while most of his fellow students were quite well off. He was also introverted and was considered an oddball. One day someone pushed him out of the blue onto the cobbler stones and Jung bumped his head. As he was lying on the floor, slipping in and out of consciousness, he realized what an incredibly relieving feeling this was. From that day on he used fainting spells as a way to escape from things he was afraid off until the day when his father, who he considered weak, complained about it. From that day on he pulled himself together and overcame all his fears with pure willpower.

I read this story about Jung in Gary Lachman's excellent book "Jung the Mystic" and it made a deep impression on me. Of course, the way the big guys separate themselves from the ordinary folks is that willpower makes them accomplish what they feel is theirs; they "feel the fear and do it anyway", as Susan Jeffers demands in her same-titled book. Yet what exactly makes the big guys successful? Well, it is the drives in them, the unsolved conflicts, the tensions that have to be released for otherwise they would explode. Often successful people are really miserable deep down inside. It is this tension that makes them a lion.

The spiritual community has a problem. We be believe that Heaven on earth is a right that is ours to take. Certainly, Heaven on earth was created just for you,  but first of all you have a job to do. Accept the tension inside, don't wish it way. Accept the twist of fate, the thorn in your side and understand that your drive, your passion and your creativity depends on them. Dance with your driving force, and accept for a while that you can't live with or without it. Perhaps one fine day the tension will magically resolve itself, or perhaps it never will. But this tension, this darkness that you are afraid of in fact makes you the person you were born to be.