Giving Thanks to Life!

Each of us has a cross to carry. All of us have particular strengths, but we also have handicaps. Some people are born with physical disabilities; some are born with mental disabilities; some are born in families that struggle with poverty, hatred or addictions. Some are born in countries with turmoils, while others have medical problems or face tough jobs. It will be hard to find anyone on this planet who at the age of 50 or 60 didn't face at least one major crisis in their life-time.

Despite these realities, we often pity ourselves during these tough stretches in our life and think that we face exceptional hardships, when as a matter of fact we are all sitting in the same boat. Take a step back and look around. There are terrific people with a loving heart who go after their problems with the intensity of the energizer bunny. Today is a good day to start it all over and follow in their footsteps.

I came to this realization as I was trying to help my autistic son. For years, I couldn’t help asking, "why me?", "why do I have to work so hard helping him develop when others seem to have such an easy life?". However, as I observed what I was doing to myself and others, I saw the negative ripple effects everywhere. There was increasing bitterness in all my interactions. I then realized that this is not the way.  I realized that the disability or the difficulty is not the problem at all. It is the attitude! It is how you perceive the whole situation that you are in that decides how you experience your life.

As I tried to help my autistic  son, amazing and inspiring stories showed up almost daily. These are people who experienced major tragedies, for themselves and their loved ones, but they live their life to the fullest and are full of joy. There are people who need to take care of their family members at a very young age, who have to make a living for themselves, and who are full of love. There are people who overcame their disability and radiate wisdom and love. There are people who had near death experiences and now become messengers of love.

All these stories tell me that facing difficult stretches in your life is not the problem, neither is hard work and poverty. Love, purpose and determination decides how we are going to experience our life. I want to thank my autistic son for showing me all of this! Enjoy peace and joy every step of the WAY no matter what. Live your life to the fullest regardless of what difficulties you might be facing.  Let's give thanks to life!

By Su Zhen 

Love Heals the Mistakes of the Past

I grew up in a complicated family.  Both my parents were widowed before they met each other.  In each case, their loved one had passed away quite unexpectedly.  When I was little, although no one had told me about it, I could sense there was something in this family that wasn't quite right; some heaviness, some sadness, some secrets. Neither my parents had ever talked about their first spouse; neither of my siblings, relatives or family friends talked about it. It was a taboo; a dark family secret. Do you know how heavy and tense it is when you tried to keep a secret?  

Nevertheless, as I got older, I figured stuff out just by putting the pieces together. Several years ago, when I was looking for a remedy for my autistic son, I joined one of Bert Hellinger’s workshops and had him do one family constellation for me.  During the session, he found out that there were two murder cases in my family, which caused the disorder of my son and myself. I was really devastated and confused at that session because he said that I had autism that needed healing as well. At that moment I had difficulties making this jump. After all, I came to heal my son's autism. Objectively, I never witnessed any of his symptoms. 

After the session, I went home and asked my mother about the murder cases.  She said she couldn’t remember any murder cases in my father’s family, neither in her family.  I was confused anyway. Six years have passed after the healing session. Two days ago, an insight came to me out of the blue. I finally realized, yes, I have some autistic symptoms too; and yes, there were murders cases in my family history although it didn’t happen in my immediate family. It happened in my mother’s former spouse’s family.  I didn’t really know any of the details. I only knew he killed some people and was put into the jail, and released after a while.  Apparently, this murder case caused lots of turbulence across my wider family. People were deeply bothered and terrified. No one dared to associate with him or even talk to him after he was released from jail. I suddenly remembered a vivid childhood memory; we bumped into him on the road and we were so scared that he would suddenly lose his mind and hurt us.  At that moment I saw frightened souls!

Today I understand my role and that of my son. We are here to shoulder the burdens of the frightened souls; we are here to heal the pain and undo the mistakes of the past. I would ask, aren't we all? Aren't there dark family secrets in every household; in the struggling as well as the pristine ones. It is ok you know, we are all human; we are all here to appreciate all the good qualities of our family and we happily shoulder some of the stuff that they somehow couldn't achieve themselves; just as we are happy to leave some homework for our children. Love always heals the mistakes of the past.

By Su Zhen

I Am Here for You

My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was 3.  Yet, it was only recently when I found that over the last 10 years I’ve done my best to prevent myself from experiencing this pain and hardship of raising a disabled child. I didn't join parents' groups on Autism because I was scared of facing their and my own pain; I didn’t do as much as I could have done for my son because I was scared of all the hard work. Now looking back I realize that it was "just" my fear of facing the situation.

When your path is destined to go to the valley, you may just wander around to avoid that journey. But deep inside you know that you are just wasting your time. You are going nowhere until you have faced what is.  Yet, when we face what is with courage, suddenly, we realize, it is just an experience. Why should we be scared of experiencing something and insist that we should only have bliss in our life?  

Can you imagine the pain when you know that your child is different? Can you imagine the pain when you see a loved one is dying? Let me tell you, it really, really, hurts!  It was a special moment when I cried out loud for my child and held him in my arms?  Finally, I am ready to go through all these difficulties with him. Yes, my dear child, let me hold your hand and walk you through this dark tunnel!  I am here for you!

By Su Zhen

I am Vulnerable

I have an autistic son. For a long time, I’ve tried to keep myself positive and happy.  I meditate, write, chant, and go to workshops. I even practice healing sessions for others. But helping my son is beyond me; there is little I can do to make him feel better. Now, I understand, going to the deepest valley is part of life's experience too. I also realize that some of my positive living philosophy was an escape from the feeling of helplessness and fear. Now I accept the situation that my son and I are in. Yes, I am vulnerable, very vulnerable.

By Su Zhen

Healing in Every Relationship

One of my children has a moderate case of autism. Most of the times we are doing just fine. I enjoy spending my life with him. However, once so often, I feel incredible pain when I am dealing with him. These incidences mostly happen when I compare him with other autistic kids. So whenever I run across other autistic kids who cope better with their environment than my son does, I blame myself for not doing enough. I feel at pain and destructive whenever that happens. Luckily, at least I am aware of what is going on inside.

So it turns out that I am creating this pain for myself. It is not autism per se, it is my comparison that is the source of trouble. Whenever I am comparing, I am actually not able to accept my child as he is. In those instances I was always overwhelmed with pain, guilt, and self-pity.  What I was worrying about was that I - as a mom - was somehow not good enough. It turns out a vicious cycle could easily be in the making. During these periods of self-attack, as you can well imagine, I wasn't a very good mom which in turn would reflect on the mood and behavior of my son.

The upside of traveling a spiritual path is that we are aware of those programs that run in the background. Again and again, I always need to center myself first and heal the situation at once.

All relationships are mirrors on who we are deep down inside. My relationship with my son reflects back some of my dark spots, some of my pain-bodies, and even some of the destructive areas inside me. Yet I am grateful for every healing opportunity every day. Thank to all the spiritual guidance I am receiving and the meditation, I am able to know these dark sports and work on myself with the help of my son.

 As it always turns out, whenever I am in peace with myself, he always calm down and is able to learn and progress; whenever I am attacking myself, he always throws tantrums and looks like a mess. My son is a straight-forward messenger of the Tao.

Defeat and self-pity is not necessary at all. Work harmoniously with every moment the Tao is bringing your way, even though it appears hard at times. Take every encounter and every problem as an opportunity to know and heal yourself. Your friendships, relationships and connections with others are here for a reason. Honor them!

By Su Zhen