Oh Happy Day

Oh happy day,

oh happy day,

when Jesus washed,

when He washed,

my sins away.

Oh happy day!

In my mind I have murdered, I have raped, I have cheated and I have lied. It is not good enough to argue that I never did any of this, that I never committed a crime worthy of prosecution. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite that work that way because the institution that sent me on this mental wild goose chase is also the one that accuses, prosecutes, judges and executes, all in one go.

Oh happy day, when we have the faith to believe - consciously as well as subconsciously - in the Lamb of God who takes our sins away. This is hard to do for many of us, so we carry our subconscious burdens to the best of our abilities; we are mindful not to repeat the mistakes of the past; and we look out for every opportunity to walk in His shoes. The blessed day the song reminds of us shall come eventually, and it shall be a happy day!

Love Heals the Mistakes of the Past

I grew up in a complicated family.  Both my parents were widowed before they met each other.  In each case, their loved one had passed away quite unexpectedly.  When I was little, although no one had told me about it, I could sense there was something in this family that wasn't quite right; some heaviness, some sadness, some secrets. Neither my parents had ever talked about their first spouse; neither of my siblings, relatives or family friends talked about it. It was a taboo; a dark family secret. Do you know how heavy and tense it is when you tried to keep a secret?  

Nevertheless, as I got older, I figured stuff out just by putting the pieces together. Several years ago, when I was looking for a remedy for my autistic son, I joined one of Bert Hellinger’s workshops and had him do one family constellation for me.  During the session, he found out that there were two murder cases in my family, which caused the disorder of my son and myself. I was really devastated and confused at that session because he said that I had autism that needed healing as well. At that moment I had difficulties making this jump. After all, I came to heal my son's autism. Objectively, I never witnessed any of his symptoms. 

After the session, I went home and asked my mother about the murder cases.  She said she couldn’t remember any murder cases in my father’s family, neither in her family.  I was confused anyway. Six years have passed after the healing session. Two days ago, an insight came to me out of the blue. I finally realized, yes, I have some autistic symptoms too; and yes, there were murders cases in my family history although it didn’t happen in my immediate family. It happened in my mother’s former spouse’s family.  I didn’t really know any of the details. I only knew he killed some people and was put into the jail, and released after a while.  Apparently, this murder case caused lots of turbulence across my wider family. People were deeply bothered and terrified. No one dared to associate with him or even talk to him after he was released from jail. I suddenly remembered a vivid childhood memory; we bumped into him on the road and we were so scared that he would suddenly lose his mind and hurt us.  At that moment I saw frightened souls!

Today I understand my role and that of my son. We are here to shoulder the burdens of the frightened souls; we are here to heal the pain and undo the mistakes of the past. I would ask, aren't we all? Aren't there dark family secrets in every household; in the struggling as well as the pristine ones. It is ok you know, we are all human; we are all here to appreciate all the good qualities of our family and we happily shoulder some of the stuff that they somehow couldn't achieve themselves; just as we are happy to leave some homework for our children. Love always heals the mistakes of the past.

By Su Zhen

When the Eye Sees what the Heart Knows

You can see the Christ everywhere, except in bodies.

(A Course in Miracles)

We all make mistakes. We all step away from God's Path but mostly it is a missed step here or there and we immediately recognize that something is off. Sometimes we experience anger rising in us; on occasions we spot arrogance; there are times when we are careless and accidentally hurt our friends' feelings. But all that is not a big deal; we apologize afterwards and promise to do better next time around. Every missed step in fact makes the Way shine even brighter afterwards.

Sin is the deliberate looking in the wrong direction. It is the conscious journey away from God. Lust can blind us; greed and fear can lead us away from the Tao. Yet, while a seasoned spiritual traveler will experience these emotions just like everyone else, we physically just can't follow through. Walking away from God simply hurts too much. After you have experienced high energy vibrations you mind going back to the lower ones.

A spiritual traveler sees what is. It may be a vision at first, it may be foggy at times. Yet, 'what is' suddenly dawns on us in contrast to what 'appears to be'. There may still be a voice babbling in the back, there maybe a missed step along the Way but we can no longer be fooled by the stuff that appears to be. We reach the point when the eye sees what the heart knows and at that blessed moment we are Home.

The Day When the Snake Found its Way

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

"You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband,who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

(The Story of Adam and Eve)

If our consciousness is the force that is aware of what is happening to us, as well as the decision what to do next, then what exactly is the ego? Is it the voice in our head? Is it the feeling of the "I"? Could it be the snake that whispers to step away from God's Path? I have never found a convincing way of setting up this question. What exactly is it when we talk about the ego? Is this force just deluded or is there a desire inside of us that wants to deliberately walk away from God? 

While I can't get my arms around the problem statement, the solution to the problem is actually quite simple. We are in charge - we are holding the reigns despite our thoughts and emotions. When the cart is drifting away from the Way, we can counter-balance. If the insight of the snake is to create, to become artists and scientists, to be "like God" as the snake puts it, then why not? Isn't that what our world was made for?

We are creators, so let's create something, but let's do it according to God rules. We can step away from competition, mistrust, scheming, and fear. We can embrace love every step of the Way. While we perhaps will never be able to shut up the voice in our head, and likely will never be able to leave behind some negative emotions, it is very much in our power to line up our ego drive with the Way. That's what it means to be a Tao traveler.

Re-read the story of Adam and Eve. Couldn't the snake's advice be an invite to become business men, professors, doctors, politicians, parents, teachers, scientists, spiritual travelers, artists or story tellers, or whatever else it is you consider your mission? The world that you and I perceive was created as a virtual reality show with the sole purpose to complete our soul longings and return Home. Create, design, teach and invent to your heart's desire just make sure that love follows you every step of the Way. 

Sin

Sin exists only for people who are on the Way. Sin is what puts man to sleep when he has already decided to awaken.
(G. I. Gurdjieff)

Walking the Way can at times be an incredibly liberating down-hill journey, while at times it can be quite an uphill struggle. Programs have to be over-ridden, fears have to be faced and desires suppressed. If you think that walking the Way is simply always going with the flow, you are most likely mistaken.

"Sin" is easy to define when you are a spiritual traveler: it is a missed step along the Way. Missing the beat is tragic from one perspective, yet it is a trifle from another. Every moment is a new priceless opportunity to connect with the Way, so what exactly should we regret or worry about. Just get lost in the holy Now and let the sin of the past be history.

Since always maintaining the internal balance to be prepared for the holy Now can be hard work indeed, the temptation to just let go and fall back into the state of slumber is unfortunately very real. It can be the love for money or power, the cravings for sex, drugs or alcohol. Commit the"sin" of being disconnected and then observe how much work it is to get back onto the Way. There comes a day when you are unwilling to pay the price to be disconnected, but until that blessed day there is little you can do but battling for your freedom in an apparently endless yin and yang motion.

The word "sin" implies regret. Free yourself from this concept. What do you think gives you the will-power to try again harder next time around; what do you think gives you the staying power to do better this time? It is the mistakes of the past, they prepare you perfectly for comes your Way today. The Course in Miracles maintains, don't fear temptation but see it at what it is, another opportunity to choose again!

The Tree of Wisdom at the Garden of Eden is always in front of you, and the sound of the slithering snake is what keeps you awake. Why don't you use your new-found power to help a brother awake from his slumber today!

Observing the Thrill to Sin

When it comes to fetishes there is no telling what turns people on. Consider this fantasy, an eighty year old scientist pictures himself finding the Nobel prize award in his letter box. This thought fills him with an incredible adrenaline rush and he masturbates to the idea. You find this result and hundreds of others in Brett Kahr's book "Who has been sleeping in your head?"  You find sexual fantasies as straight-forward ego outlets. In the case of the retired scientist, the fantasized professional award is the  feeling of power and intellectual recognition that his ego gets excited about as he masturbates.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. We always say the homecoming process starts with acknowledging and understanding the "I". We already know from Freud that the sex drive is an incredibly strong energy field. If you repress that in the name of spirituality, expect a few Freudian slips along the way. Perhaps we are a little wiser today than a century ago when Freud developed his theories. We probably no longer presume a "normal" when it comes to sex. Actually the survey results in Brett Kahr's book would suggest there is no normal sexual fantasy. The results were all over the place. You have the traditional  versions, a woman who just wants to have good sex with someone tall, dark and handsome. You have a few respondents who report they don't have any sexual fantasies, and you have the ones that are a little out of the ordinary, like the fantasy of the European scientist. And then you also find a few that many would find pretty extreme, like rape fantasies or other subjects that are kind of out there.

Brett Kahr is a psychoanalyst and he does a good job in explaining where some of these sexual fantasies are coming from. One theme became pretty clear in his book, for  people who have suffered sexual abuse or have experienced other traumas in their childhood, sexual fantasies can become a way to work through these painful events. That of course begs the question, can we actually look down on any of these so-called sexual perversions. If they are just a psychological outlet to come clean with the past, they can be welcomed as a part of the recovery process instead.

We have come a long way in tolerating all kind of sexual desires. Not to long ago homosexuality was called a perversion whereas today few would.  BDSM is  perhaps still considered by many as extreme, but with a little help of the romantic novels "50 Shades of Grey", even that lifestyle has become somewhat of a household name. So what if we have the desire to be bound and spanked a little. If you see your ego in action played out in a sexual fantasy you perhaps have a much better chance to be mindful of it.

We are spiritual writers, not psychoanalysts or sex researchers. So we would say that it is a fine line acknowledging and expressing the demands of the "I" without being taken on yet another ego trip in the name of sexual liberation. But then, who exactly determines whether sexual drives are consistent with our spiritual path or not. If we look down on our sexual fantasies, it's probably still the ego talking, only dressed up in holy clothes  beating up our "darker" desires. Perhaps this ego bashing is actually not helpful for us at all. Perhaps the guilt is standing in the way of expressing some repressed sexual energy that simply wants to come to the surface. So back and forth goes the war inside without ever resolving anything in the name of spirituality.

We advice you  to be mindful of everything you are thinking, feeling and doing; listen to all the voices in your head, and let all the emotions pop up without judgement and you will know what works for your spiritual path and what not. Listening to your fantasies, perhaps even expressing some of them physically might certainly be part of your self- discovery process.

The "hunger for more" can certainly be part of our sex life, you probably have already experienced it for yourself. Expressing this drive is a road to nowhere and the sooner you jump of this train, the better off you will be. Our spiritual community has written about this restlessness already many millennia ago. The hunger for more can be found everywhere: more money, more status, more lovers, more extreme sexual experiences; you fill in the blanks. Just as we are able to observe a divine origin in us, the ability to love, a state of innocence,  the ability to be absolutely still, the experience of connectedness and peace, we can observe the opposite force as well.

 In fact, there is a "thrill" of going in the opposite direction of spirituality, especially when it comes to sex.  The time when you zoom into body parts not people. Getting a high from watching or expressing erotic anger, or pushing the boundaries of what others would consider normal and sane. The spiritual community reminds us what you probably already know: stillness and love can be experienced and enjoyed forever, but lust will never be satisfied, no matter what we do.  Reading some of the more extreme responses in the surveys you definitely wonder whether Robert J. Stoller was onto something when he developed the idea of the " thrill to sin"  in "Observing the Erotic Imagination". He claimed that in sexual perversion the excitement really comes from the notion of sinning.  So the "perverse mind" gets a kick out of imagining or practicing stuff that others consider taboo.

When you think about it, it is very hard to tell what exactly is sexually arousing. Your blood is rushing through your veins, your heart is beating fast, the hormones are circulating.  The chemicals in your brain go into overdrive.  Could the initial kick be stress related, but you mistake the physical symptoms as sexual arousal? The initial stress is related to push the boundaries, in doing something others would find revolting. But you cannot tell what is cause and what is effect. And in the end you don't care, either, all you know us that you are turned on and that you like the thrill ride.

There actually was an interesting psychological study done to illustrate this point. An attractive reporter interviewed two groups of men in a city as well as on a small bridge in a high altitude and gave them afterwards her phone number with the interaction to call her with any follow-up questions. It turned out that a significantly  larger number of men did the follow-up call of the group  interviewed in high altitude. Apparently they mistook their fear of heights with sexual arousal!

So where does that leave us with? Walking the Tao is never about right or wrong, it is about studying the yin and yang that lies behind everything. Who can say what sex practices and fantasies are healthy outlets of our whole being and which ones are knocking us off our spiritual path. Each spiritual path traveler has to make that call for herself. Perhaps one signpost could be stability, the absence of restlessness. The above quoted European scientist claimed that he had masturbated to the same fantasy for decades, so chances are one day he will just grow tired of it. In the "thrill to sin" the boundaries always have to stretched otherwise the experience will get boring. It is also highly addictive  because that is how the hunger for more always works. When you observe this restlessness inside there is really only one practical solution: get off the treadmill and there will be peace.

Acknowledging Your Idol Along the Way

Did you know that the word evil  is live spelled backwards? So it turns out that for us spiritual path travelers the concepts of evil and sin make little sense. Everyone who has ever had a glimpse of the Tao know that this Force bends backwards to make you fall in love with life and your soul siblings, so to consciously do something evil means that you pretty much deliberately walk in the opposite direction of the Tao. You can try, but you will soon find a lot of broken China on the floor.

Mistakes are different from 'sin' and 'evil'. You knock down a precious vase, but then the Tao shows you that it is much less of a big deal than you think and the next day you are again encouraged by Her to put your best foot forward. More than that, the Tao will show you why those 'accidents' happened in the first place and what kind of homework you still have to do to avoid mistakes like that in the future.

A Tao traveler surely has demons -  interferences along the Way - and they hurt when they pop up because they temporarily shut you off the Way's energy source. Perhaps we have even more demons than the Agnostic next door because we want to go somewhere. We want to be enlightened, we want to be holy and full of love and peace. So we mind when we find that we are different from the image we aspire to be. Well, a demon pops up to remind you that you haven't quite managed to bring the whole 'I' along. This puzzle was written many thousand years ago, yet it is still a perfect description of the war inside:

I do not understand my own behavior; I do not act as I mean to, but I do the things that I hate. Though the will to do what is good is in me, the power to do it is not; the good thing I want to do, I never do; the evil thing - which I do not want  - that is what I do.
(Apostle Paul)

You want to end this war inside? Well, accept the desire you have, the longing, the lust, the greed, the fear. Face it, accept it and you have a shot at transcending it. Fight it and it will never go away. You can only end a shadow boxing match when you stop moving your hands. So coping with your shadow is very simple really: accept who you are and then put your best foot forward. And if you meet an idol along the way, nod in its direction and then go your merry Way.

What is a Sin?

A sin is if you can't live in the blissful state you were born to live in. A sin is if you don't claim your God-given inheritance. A sin is if you don't connect with your brothers and sisters as one, but instead follow your misguided individualistic goals.

Does a sin exist in a real sense? No, as the Course in Miracles states, "Nothing unreal exists, nothing real can be threatened. Therein lies the peace of God." 

Real or not, unfortunately you suffer nevertheless in this collective dream of ours because of your missed opportunities to love.

Do not beat yourself up over 'would have, could have or should have'. All that matters now is to see the blissfulness that you can be in right now. The here and now is reality, this moment is the opportunity to try again. If you look closely at everything with fresh eyes you will see that there is no sin, there is only infinite love, which is yours to claim and to give. 

Nightmares

When you wake up and discover that you had a nightmare, do you think about what happened to the others in your dream, or do you reflect on the learning opportunity the nightmare has for you? Life is but a dream as well. Learn, adjust and do better next time, but do not dwell on the past;  it is time to move on and choose love this time around.

Spiritual Progress and Erosion

The Course in Miracles states that we might be mislead in the evaluation of our accomplishments:
"Some of your greatest advances you have judged as failures, and some of your deepest retreats you have evaluated as success".
My experience certainly echos this sentiment. While I never really know how exactly my day went from a spiritual perspective, all I do is to focus my attention on the next choice in front of me. "No matter how many bridges I may have burnt today, now is the moment when I am healing things" happens to be my motto. Still, there are a few feedback mechanisms along your spiritual path. If love is in the air, chances are you did something right. The same applies if everything is in a perfect flow. However, when you experience interferences along the way, you are never sure whether this is a reflection of the fact that you have chosen wrongly, or if you are working off issues from the past, and experiencing pain is actually a sign of healing.

Don't be afraid the take a few steps back on your path, as long as that happens unconsciously. The little signs along the way will remind you of your missteps. Making mistakes can be very therapeutic. They allow you to monitor how your environment is changing in response, and once you have realized that you made a mistake you are likely to go your spiritual way with twice the energy. It is the ongoing spiritual erosion that results in that sinking feeling on your subconscious level that you are on the road to hell. This is what generates the cancer inside yourself. But then again, once you realize it there is nothing to fear anymore. As God said in Neale Walsch's Conversations with God, once you understand that you are driving in the wrong direction all you have to do is to turn your car around.

Futility

When we really ask what drives us we have to conclude that with every right-minded passion there is a dark one attached to it. In the olden days we dealt with them by declaring them sinful. We built up the psychological punishment mechanism that gave us some protection to do the right thing. But boy, when we crossed over to the dark side, we did punish ourselves. After all, we humans are powerful, whatever we believe in, we manifest into our lives. Then came Freud's insight about the superego along. I think this concept is still relevant for us spiritual path travelers today. By speculating what our True Self is all about, we create a superego in us. Actually, the superego is the modern day sin concept. If you know what your higher authority in you wants and you nevertheless give in to your temptation, you generate psychological conflict in you.

The other option you have is understanding where exactly your behaviour will lead you. I have often told the fairy tale of the fisher and his wife which is a classic story of the ego-driven desire. A fisher finds a golden fish who offers 3 boons, and his wife uses them to first get a bigger house, a palace, then a kingdom, and lastly, the fourth wish, to become God. While the first three wishes are granted, she ends up in her old fisher hut when the fourth wish is uttered. Futility! When we follow our dark passions we know where we will end up. We can see it in people who have been down this road, and we can feel it in ourselves. Yes, it is hard to stop the car and turn it around, and yes, there still will be conflict, but it is our choice, we do not need to appeal to any higher source in us and accumulate psychological baggage in the process. We reposition and channel our frustration into a more productive area. After discovering that your road leads to nowhere, no temptation can get you anymore.