Welcome Home

Do you want to know what my secret is? You see, I don't mind what happens.

(J. Krishnamurti)

Has it happened to you that you show up at a family gathering and you have to admit to everyone that you are not doing so well? Have you ever observed that we always have the tendency to show our best sides to people and try to hide our dark shades from them? What would happen if we just show everyone our real self instead?

Be honest with yourself! How hard it is to admit to others when we are not doing so well. Sometimes it is even hard to admit to ourself that we struggle. It is just not nice if we suddenly are no longer gleaming, young, healthy, and successful. We hate these moments of truth. It seems that our ego feels threatened if we dare to see reality as is. We identify with that image of happiness and success and somehow expect that we could be fixed in this mood and status forever. It is these false expectations that create the sufferings. If we can realize and accept that our mood, appearance, our health as well as social status can be fluid just like the weather, we will be at ease when we experience change. If you really open up to what is, when you truly face whatever comes your way, you will realize that behind all these appearances there is something real and beautiful. Nothing really can threaten us.

Only when we notice that we are running after an illusion can we realize that we in fact are "real" and always will be; only when we can realize what we identify as "me" is actually a phantom, only then can we really connect with our Self and experience the eternal peace that is always at our disposal. You already have what you long for -  Welcome Home!

By Christian and Su Zhen

Nothing Matters and Everything Does

Do you want to know what my secret is? I don't care!
(J. Krishnamurti)

I read this quote in one of Eckhart Tolle's book and could relate to it. The longer you travel a spiritual path the more you feel at peace with what is. Either way, you know that things will turn out to be meaningful to you. It is a nice feeling to have. You become completely unbiased and open to the present moment.

Just be mindful though, it is easy to fool yourself thinking that you don't care, though if you really monitor your posture, if you carefully listen to every spoken word and the intonation of your voice you realize that you in fact do care. Don't aim to reach that state, but be proud and happy when you do care. It is a beautiful mission to have as long as you are aiming for the right things.

I actually would state J. Krishnamurti's sentiment a little differently: along the Way nothing matters and everything does!

Who Would Judge the Judge?

He is a well-respected judge and gets his job done with authority and ease. Most decisions come easy to him; he knows where to research, and sometimes just knows who to ask for advice. Sure, once in a blue moon he feels indecisive but after a little soul searching he just goes for the "right" decision, that is what others would consider to be the letter of the law. The community and the family adores him but what they don't know is that every other Saturday when they think he is at work, he in fact indulges in his fetish, a paid visit to Madame Noire who humiliates and tortures him for three hours straight. There was a time when he fought his dark passion but over the years he just accepted his occasional trip to the wild side. He is at peace with himself but hopes that his dark secret will never come out.

They say that a disproportionate number of bondage and humiliation fetishists are "men of power" like the judge in our example. The desire to submit sexually may just be the mirror image of the role he has to play in society, to define what is wrong or right even though truth may be a little different than the letter of the law imply. So what would you do if you were in his shoes? Should our judge exert more will-power to control himself, not stealing away from his family on a Saturday to have his steamy fun?  Isn't that what our spiritual community does, attacking the dark side, asking for more will-power to stay on the right path? Well, what is the right path anyway? Wouldn't our judge just fight the symptoms of his problem, leaving the root cause as is?

Think of your ego as your conscious 'I' and your so-called dark side as your subconscious counterpart. The stuff you don't want to accept on the surface will bubble below it until one day it erupts. Think of it as the suppressed "I" that screams at your well-crafted persona, "Hey, what about me? Deal with me and I will give you your energy back." The reader of this blog knows we are not ego basher; we want you to respect who you are. We just advise you to be aware of who you think you are; aware of the persona that you and society have created.

So you might say where exactly is the friction - the violation of the Tao - in the case of the judge? Spiritual truth is different from the letter of the law and that unfortunately is the uphill battle the judge has to fight against. We as a society force him to violate the spiritual laws and all he finds left to do is to - subconsciously, of course - set the record straight by getting humiliated. A Tao traveler would tell you that "criminals" who violate others are as much on an evil subconscious mission as someone who "accidentally" insures someone else in a car crash.  Yet our law would never quite see it that way.

A Tao traveler would also say that God created everyone equal. The idea that someone could judge others is intrinsically flawed. The judge consequently has to experience the yin and yang of this artificial hierarchal imbalance. J. Krishnamurti talked often about this concept. The fact that some professions such as police, army, judicial professions, etc. are intrinsically violent. Sure, our society values their efforts for the simple reason what we are not yet spiritually ready to live without them. Yet the problem statement remains. Whenever you deviate from the Tao you build up a spiritual and psychological imbalance that you have to dispose of in one way or another.

We claim that once you start looking for the friction in your life you will be able to make the proper adjustments. Life - the Tao - has a habit of encouraging you to express who you truly are. It can be hard work to let go of crusts that have formed over decades, but if you follow the signals of the Way they will slowly erode as you venture into a new direction. When you are shy, life may encourage you to be more outgoing; when you are risk-averse, the encouragement may be to be more entrepreneurial. While it is hard work to face life openly it is also very rewarding. There is fun, there is creative anxiety and there is a steady erosion of your dark outlets. You harness the energies of your demon in an authentic way when you show up for life. Both the angel and your demon will cheer you on as you venture in a new direction. We don't know what works for the judge, only he will know that. What we would emphasize however, no matter what his decision might turn out to be, who would dare to judge the judge?

By Christian and Su Zhen

Mind Power

"Be still and know that I am God", the bible says, but the big question is how does one silent one's mind. The mindful spiritual path traveler can actually do a lot to raise her mind power, though the eventual stillness of mind comes after a lot of practice and a long journey of mindful living. On my path, I have found a few ways of directing my thoughts.

You cannot control the stream of thoughts that hit you all the time, they come from your conscious mind activity as well as the subconscious and will probably always have some randomness attached to it, that you as the thinker simply cannot control. However, mindful living will affect the thought process. Let me give you an example. You happen to walk down the road on a hot summer day and you happen to see an incredibly sexy specimen of the human race. Your eyes probably zoom into her body - I presume this example has more relevance for the male audience - but you definitely have the choice to move your vision up. As you zoom into her face and eyes instead, a completely new novel will open up. With your perspective your stream of thoughts is changing as well. Mindful living tailors the world of perceptions, the events that you are attracting into your life as well as the thoughts you generate. So in effect you still don't have much control over your thoughts, but you can at least flip the subject channel.

The second avenue you can take is to mentally interrupt a train of thought. Say a random thought is hitting you and it happens to be one of your pet worries, triggered by an event that has just taken place. Surely you must remember a time when you were lost in mental torture, anticipating one bad outcome after the other when you suddenly you feel a gentle tap on your shoulder and a friendly voice says to you "sister, where are you right now?". If you practice mindfulness over some time and happen to know your weak spots and the events that trigger them, you can stop this train of thought from leaving the station very effectively.

Living in the now is a popular concept these days and indeed seems to the answer to bring the conscious and the subconscious together. If you completely embrace the now, if you are dying to the moment as J. Krishnamurti always used to say, you will experience that your mind goes into overdrive. All the signals, from your environment as well as from the inside are processed at an incredible speed until there is literally no space left to think. At that infinite moment there is silence, and with it, the capacity to observe the creativity that lies beyond.

Self-Development

J. Krishnamurti was quite critical elf the concept of self-development, he compared it to the renovation of a prison cell. His main point was that by trying to be something that you are not today, you run after the carrot like a donkey. The revolution has to take place here and now.

I am not sosurer about this, to be honest. I think we constantly need to cut 'interferences' out of our system that stand in the way of the Tao. The ongoing adjustment of 'not this and not that' seems to be the only way to stay on the Tao. As the Course in Miracles writes:

'You still oppose the Will of God by a little. And that little is the limit you would place on the whole.' When it comes to God, no interference is allowed. Keep on cleaning up my friend, while your Self is developed, and always has been, we still need to do some cleaning to reveal the diamond in the rough.

Finding Enlightenment

Many paths lead home; very often you have actually made much more spiritual progress than you realize and it then takes little to push you over the edge. J. Krishnamurti suggested self-reflection until at one time the mind discovers all its biases and suddenly becomes still. Mr. Tolle advises to merge with the Now, while the Course in Miracles recommends ongoing spiritual healing with your sisters and brothers moment by moment. My personal favorite is the story of a gentleman who was once asked how he was doing and he responded that he was miserable. To that his friend suggested that this was only his opinion that he was. This remark struck our friend like lightening as he suddenly discovered that he had a choice. Perhaps in the age of spiritual awakening there will be as many Taos as there are spiritual path travelers. I can't wait to hear your story!

Self-Improvement

J. Krishnamurti used to compare self-improvement to the renovation of a prison cell. Yes, objectively everything looks better after you are done, but you are still in the same prison. I was reminded of this statement when I was reading 'The Disappearance of the Universe' by Gary Renard who is visited by some of Jesus' disciples who claim the same thing: we are all living in a world of maya and all we should aspire to do is to break free once and for all. 

Well, I obviously haven't broken free so there is little I have to add to the discussion. What I would say though is that I seem to have experienced what a spiritual path is. It is a force that compels you to move in a certain direction and there is little you can do about it. Every misstep away from the path is followed by discomfort and it is immediately clear to you what you have been hurting yourself in the process. Every continued misstep brings bigger and bigger emotional discomfort while layer on layer of understanding is added why you are pulled away from your equilibrium in the first place. At one point you just get to tired to even bother doing something else than the Tao calls for.

Hazy Personal Insights

J. Krishnamurti had strong opinions on the subject time: have the insight about yourself here and now, he used to say, do not get fooled by the notion that time will be on your side.

I have always admired J. Krishnamurti's clarity of thinking and have experienced a few lucid moments myself during which a light bulb went off in my head and the 'I' was transformed in the process. Still, in my experience there is also a separate path which is time dependent: it is a stumbling along a dark and cloudy road almost despite yourself.

I happen to be a hobby psychologist and have read many stories of people who rewire themselves with the help of the therapist. An early childhood experience, or another traumatic episode transformed the 'I' of the patient and has to be bent back to its original state. When you listen to their experience you can literally feel the haze surrounding them. It is only the faith in the therapist that makes them continue on their painful journey.

On my spiritual journey I am always on the lookout for perfect synchronicity. If something doesn't line up, I try to reposition myself until I am in the flow again. This process can at times be confusing, but I trust that in time important personal insights will be revealed. Perhaps time is on your side after all.

Desire

He put down his pen in a state of bliss. He knew he had written what would be an instant hit in the self-improvement community. He visualized and just felt how his master piece would reach the top spot on the Amazon bestseller list on the first day of its release.

She sat in a meeting with the top executives of the firm and suddenly realized how everyone was studying her facial expressions. One frown on her face could literally change the tone of the meeting. She was in love with her own power.

He met her on the internet and instantly realized that he would be her type. When they finally met in person and she saw his enourmous size for the first time, he saw lust, mischief and even a trace of fear on her face. He was living for moments like that.

What goes through your mind when you read the three paragraphs? You probably think it goes downhill pretty fast, but I wonder if you see any connections between the spiritual teacher, the power hungry CEO and the sex-driven stud. All three want something, and all three have something to loose. Could it be that we are all just fooling ourselves in our spiritual search and wrap the same 'hunger for more' just in holy clothes?

Flash

The other day I was sitting happily at home when suddenly I experienced a flash going through my body. The feeling was sexual in nature, but I have no memory any longer what it was about. It came and it went and all I could do was to wonder about the nature of the experience.

I think all thoughts, desires and biological stimuli are nothing but flashes. It just happens that we don't perceive it that way since our brain and body go on autopilot afterwards. When our attractive neighbor shows up, some of us first have the thought of how attractive this person is, followed by a bunch of thoughts that probably don't belong into this blog. Just imagine how much energy we could save if we just left it at the first thought, i.e. the realization that this really an attractive person and then we move on with our life.

J. Krishnamurti often stated that desire is a consequence of thought. When we see a nice car, house or attractive person, why don't we leave it at this observation. The next thought that we have to possess them is desire; this chain of thought is sometimes useful, but most often a futile waste of time and energy.

It seems that our spiritual path is all about self-mastery. Not that we should suppress our feelings and desires, but that we become so in tune with our mind and body that we are able to perceive flashes and are able to react to them or ignore them as we deem necessary.

You Need Mindfulness, Not Willpower

Will power is a popular concept for spiritual folks. If you enjoy pornography, exchange spiritual fantasies in chat rooms, cheat on your spouse, etc., you probably regret your action afterwards. You promise yourself that in the future everything will get better. You will overcome your dirty urges with the help of willpower, won't you? There is a big problem with the will power concept. Who is the authority that enforces this concept? It is your mind, is it not? This concept has conflict written all over it. The authority that sends you on the ego trips in the first place is also the authority that tells you afterwards that you shouldn't have done this egocentric action in the first place. You make the thief police chief and judge as well.

Mindfulness is the ability to monitor the inner workings of your mind. Catch negative thought patters, observe inconsiderable things you say or do. Spot the ego at work when you talk to the cab driver differently than to your boss. See how your mind goes off to sleep when you act compulsively. And to go back to the earlier described sex struggle, find the reason why you can't enjoy the sexual life with your partner and need those other outlets of your repressed sexual energy instead.

J. Krishnamurti advocates this monitoring process in his work, and the longer I study myself and the problems we are facing, the more I realize that observing is all we can do. The mind, with all its experience and psychological pitfalls can't be trusted with anything other than analytical problem solving. Luckily, when we are really silent, or really going with the flow, there is an authority that guides us. That is all we can do, be mindful of things that are going on in our head and outside of us.

Escaping from Life

In seeking God you are escaping from life, escaping from sorrow, from beauty, from ugliness, from anger, jealousy, the desire for power, and from the extraordinary complexity of living.

J. Krishnamurti, On God

J. Krishnamurti on Addiction

The highest form of human intelligence is to observe yourself without judgement.
J. Krishnamurti

How do you battle an addiction? I have been interested in this subject for a while just because I myself have a few habits that I would love to get rid off. Reading J. Krishnamurti the other day, an insight suddenly struck me: if you have a habit you cannot shake off, perhaps it's because your mind goes asleep when you do it.

Compulsive behaviour or an addiction has a clear message for you. You have trapped yourself into an activity that you think aids you psychologically (or you just think it's fun), when it is pretty clear to everybody else that it pulls you down. When you have accepted for yourself that you want to overcome the habit, you spend your time fighting it mentally, but whatever plan you come up with, by the time the desire arises, your mind and your actions are on auto-pilot. Here is J. Krishnamurti's simple advice: wake from your trance by observing your compulsive behavior in action (he gives the smoking example, but you can substitute any compulsive behaviour instead):

"Habit is a dead thing, it is an action which has become automatic, and the more one fights it the more strength one gives to it. But if the person who smokes becomes conscious of his habit, if he becomes aware of putting his hand into his pocket, bringing out the cigarette, tapping it, putting it in his mouth, lighting it and taking the first puff - if each time he goes through this routine he simply watches it without condemnation, without saying how terrible it is to smoke, then he is not giving new vitality to that particular habit. But really to drop something which has become a habit, you have to investigate it much more, which means going into the whole problem of why the mind cultivates the habit - that is, why the mind is inattentive."

Louise Hay in "You Can Heal Yourself" had another interesting insight. She claims that once you are in the process of tackling your addiction, you should watch what other side effects this change brings with it. Her argument is that the compulsive habit might be compensating an issue that you are not aware of, but once other side effects show up, you are given new clues what the underlying issue really is.

So I guess the bottom-line is just observe yourself with an ever increasing focus and you will figure things out sooner rather than later. Just try it!

Holy Mother

Listen to her voice,
hear it echo through creation.

Without fail, she reveals her presence.

Without fail, she brings us to our own perfection.

Although it is invisible, it endures; it will never end.

I am just reading Wayne W. Dyer's Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life - Living the Wisdom of the Tao and find it quite refreshing. Actually, it's the first time I have come across Taoism, and I am surprised how spiritual it is. What is so impressive about this book is the interaction between Tao's ancient verses and Wayne Dyer's interpretation. Sometimes it is the verse itself that strikes you, sometime it's Wayne's interpretation. No doubt about it, Wayne W. Dyer is an inspired writer.

When I read this verse above, I see Durga Herself at work. Listen to this one ...

Become totally empty,
Let your heart be at peace.
Amidst the rush of wordly comings and goings,
observe how endings become beginnings.


To return to the root is to find peace.
To find peace is to fulfill one's destiny.

Being Divine, you will be at one with the Tao.
Being at one with the Tao is eternal.


How do we manage to listen to the Force of the universe? How can we stay on the spiritual path, the Tao, that gets us to the Divine? Very simple, become empty; just listen and observe what is happening around you. J. Krishnamurti has offered a nice trick along those lines: Just observe without judgement. Your mind and ego becomes silent that way. You will actually see the Force at work. May the Force, the Tao, be with you!